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Lebrenth
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 Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2019 8:55 am Post subject: No outline |
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| Chinaren wrote: | | Ah, sorry I missed the vote and all Lebs. I'll hopefully be around for next time! |
Good to see you again, Chinaren. Should have a chapter soon... should have been out already but it's been a little crazy and I was struggling to sort out a good outline to start with. Got it worked out now, so I'll get some writing done today.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Sep 17, 2019 7:35 am Post subject: Re: No outline |
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| Lebrenth wrote: | | it's been a little crazy and I was struggling. |
Testify.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Sep 18, 2019 3:07 pm Post subject: Chapter 8: The Enemy of My Enemy's Enemy |
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Warning: this story has violence, swearing, gore, and sexual themes.
Chapter 8: The Enemy of My Enemy’s Enemy
Martin’s memories of his brother felt more real in this place, painfully bittersweet. Pulling him out of a fight that wasn’t his own~Hollering at the graduation ceremony~Laughing milk out of their noses. He folded up the Missing poster and put it in the glove box. Not now, there was unfinished business.
Using a map he found with lots of scribbles and revisions, he drove to the Coleridge Building, a gleaming white skyrise with gold trim and thousands of green dollar bills fluttering down from the roof in the Heavens. The lines outside stretched out of sight, enforced by men in black combat gear. Business was good. Fucking figures Eldon would have them eating out of his hands. The express line appeared to be on an upper balcony crowded with taxis and shuttles. Even getting into the building looked like it would take all day. Luckily, Martin had an eternity.
As a habit, Martin checked the fuel gauge, which was down to half. What fueled it, he had no idea. He didn’t remember seeing any gas stations. He drove around the building many different ways, spiraling up, staring through windows where possible (which it usually wasn’t). Unraveling spools of stock tickers ~ Swimming pools of gold coins ~ Furnishings that looked like abstract art. No sign of Eldon, but this was his kind of place for sure.
Martin prowled for hours, then days, looking for chinks in the armor and a glimpse of his target. The fuel gauge never went down, it just stuck at halfway and kept him rolling. He didn’t need to eat, though he still got cravings, and he slept in the taxi, though only a few hours at a time before the nightmares got to him. Jezebel laughing at a new torture ~ Piggy screaming in fire ~ So many images of Brian as a corpse.
More time and still no Eldon, but he picked out a few likely places to break in. But then what? Wander around calling out his name? As he contemplated in the back seat, half-asleep, a limousine drifted alongside of him. The door swung open and a gorilla of a man yanked him out.
Martin wisecracked, “Hey, I’m not taking any riders, can’t you see I’m trying to sleep?” He’d been jumped before, so he knew right away this thug and his gang meant business. There were four of them, meaner looking than a pack of wolves. Veiny muscles ~ Scars and tattoos ~ Sneering faces. A long-limbed dark-haired man had the bearing of a leader but he didn’t speak. He just stared at Martin and Martin stared back. The intensity of the moment grew until Martin broke the silence with a laugh.
Martin said, “Dude, what the hell do you want?” He took a punch for his insolence, but shot a glare at the one who did it as if to tell him he would be counting those punches and someday he would settle the score. The boss told him to go easy. Then he spoke up,
“You’re Martin Wymont.”
Martin said, “Yeah, and who are you, the tooth fairy?”
The boss raised a hand to stop the next punch before it landed. He said, “I’ve seen you casing this place, so busy looking in you haven’t noticed people looking at you from the outside. I understand you have something of a vendetta against Gabriel Eldon.”
“You act like you know a lot about me, how about you tell me who I’m talking to?”
“My name’s Gino Romano. My family has been influential in Purgatory for hundreds of years. If you hadn’t been hiding under a fucking rock for the last year, you’d know me already.”
“All right, Gino Romano, what do you want?”
“You like seafood?”
“You taking me on a date, Gino?” Another raised fist had to be held back. Then Gino throttled Martin’s throat himself. The move was a blur and reach was greater than Martin expected.
Gino said calmly, “Most people who talk to me like that get thrown into the Pit. No one hits the bottom there, they just keep falling forever or if they’re lucky they end up in the hands of a devil. As it happens, I’m feeling merciful and I have an important proposition for you.”
Martin struggled to get breath as the henchmen held him in place. He thought of Piggy in eternal oblivion. It was peaceful. Only when Gino loosened his grip was Martin able to cough and say,
“Fine! God damn! … I always wanted to try lobster anyway.” He put on a tough face, but going anywhere near that Pit again wasn’t something he wanted to do.
“Good. Jules, take us to the Poseidon,” Gino said to the driver.
Martin looked back at his taxi and wondered how he would get back to it. He parked it 100 feet above the promenade. It felt safer that way, but apparently not so safe. He carefully watched the route they took and hardly listening to Gino talk about how powerful the Romano family was and how generous they were to their friends. The grand criminal dynasty ~ Politicians and angels in their pockets ~ blah blah blah. He was glad to get to the Aquarius Casino, the one he saw before with the submerged Greek temples. The limo dove straight into the side of the giant block of water that apparently had no glass walls. Martin fought the urge to open a window and instead enjoyed the view of numerous aquatic life. Flitting manta rays ~ phosphorescent schools ~ chameleon octopuses. His favorites were definitely the mermaids. He grinned at their graceful undulations and enticing smiles.
He said, “I’ll have a big plate of that.”
They entered the restaurant surreptitiously and took backways to a private booth on a balcony where they had a discrete view. The sumptuous restaurant had no water in it but the servers were all mer-people swimming through the air. Animated ocean murals ~ Resplendent crystal chandeliers ~ Ambulant marble statues. One wall was water held in place by who knows what. Chefs prepared the food nearby in an open kitchen and used long hooks to pull fish and such out. Servers scrambled to attend to Gino, showing utmost servility as they brought him to a table reserved just for him. They sat Martin in the middle of the booth.
Martin said, “Give a brother a little elbow room, would ya?” Then he asked himself what they would do if he needed to use the bathroom before remembering that wasn’t a concern at all. “Do I get a menu or something?”
Gino said, “You don’t know what you want, I’ll do the ordering.” He proceeded to order things Martin had never heard of before and he wasn’t sure if it was because they were in Purgatory or because he’d been raised on mac and cheese.
The swimming of the servers ended up being a very convenient way to hand off plates and refill drinks without reaching over tables. More than once Martin was surprised by his glass being refilled from a long stream from above. They had expert marksmanship. The food was amazing, fittingly like he hadn’t eaten in months, and he still had no idea what it was, even when he really tried to work out what kind of meat was drowning in the white sauce.
Gino started talking, “All of this comes with a price, and I’m not talking about food. I’m talking respect. They know when to expect me, where to seat me, and how to treat me and my guests. You could spend a millennium and leave a twenty percent tip and not have a real understanding. This is how it is with everyone. All of the casinos in this part of town respect the Romanos but I’ll give you two guesses what arrogant fuck set up business in our part of town and won’t deign to hear our terms.”
Martin replied, “The only arrogant fuck I’m concerned about is Gabriel Eldon.”
“That’s where we see eye to eye. I’d like to teach him some respect but the man is untouchable, graced from on high. This guy must shit ambrosia. A legacy so ancient their family still considers Jesus the new kid on the block.”
“First of all, what the hell is ambrosia? Second, I don’t give a shit. You just show me where he is and I’ll make him pay.”
“You see, all of this disrespect from you and all I want to do is give you the means to live out your violent dreams. I’ve been looking for you, Marty. I know where you come from. You never had the advantages of a strong family.”
“You better back the fuck up if you’re going to start talking about my family.”
“Fair enough, anyone talks about my family, I cut their nuts off, but all I mean is you never had the means. I want to invite you to join our family, unofficially. You do a little dirty work for us and we take care of you.”
“You know where he is?”
“Of course I know where he fucking is, but more importantly, I know where he will be. You don’t want to fuck with him on his home turf, Marty. You end up worse than dead. You wait till he goes out and strike like lightning.”
“Where’s the catch?”
“Look at this guy, thinking ahead. You know, I’m going to give you the mafia special. You fuck this up, you’ll wish you had Hell to look forward to. If the Celebrantia catch a whiff of this little agreement, you’ll suffer, my friend, I swear it.”
“And just to wrap up all of the questions and give you another chance to threaten me, what if I don’t think I need your help?”
“A real fucking tough guy, huh? The fuck you want to say no to help for? You need more reasons? You want me to drag that sorry-excuse-for-a-doctor brother of yours into this? Let me explain something to you, you aren’t worth my time. I got a closet full of tough guys, they’re fucking falling out of the sky. You want to do this, you do it. If you’re gonna be a fool, I’ll let my guys fight over who gets to turn you in for the bounty and you can fuck off. Give him a damn card.”
It wouldn’t take much more pushing to get him really mad, but Martin put up a surprising level of self-restraint considering how much this asshole reminded him of Eldon. So smug and untouchable. Was it worth helping one piece of shit to deal with another? At least this one never killed his brother. He took the damn card, just a calling card for someone not present. A handler. He was still considering if he should find one of Gino’s holes to shove it in when a mermaid swam over with a giant clam shell being wheeled in behind her.
Gino asked, “What’s this?”
“Sir, it’s a gift left for you this morning.”
Martin dropped under the table the instant the shell started to open. He’d seen enough mob movies to expect a trap, a bomb or something, that or a beautiful woman but he made his decision not to take the chance. The blasting of a machine gun and raining of bullet shells made it clear it was a trap. The throaty laughter made it clear it wasn’t a beautiful woman. The four captors’ remains were drooling off the perforated seat when the shooting stopped. The laughing continued, emphatically. He would keel over at this rate.
Gasping between laughs, he said, “You’re It! … I fucking … I fucking love this!” The assailant’s boots touched the ground, the old-fashioned tommy gun dangled at his side. Martin pulled out his own gun. The server cried out and swam over to the remains. She begged for mercy, saying she had no idea, and in desperation she started scooping the slimy goo into a glass. “Oh, honey,” the assailant said slowly recovering, “Don’t worry, it’s just a prank. A little friendly rivalry, isn’t that right Gino?” As he called out Gino’s name he looked under the table and down the barrel of Martin’s gun.
Martin yelled, “Drop it, motherfucker!”
The man backed up but didn’t drop nor raise the gun. He said,
“You’re not one of Gino’s boys. What are you doing here?”
“Just passing through,” Martin said as he stood up. The man wore a derby a little small for his head, he was red-faced and even now very jolly looking. “You’re really happy with yourself aren’t you?”
“Oh I live for this stuff. Plus I’ve been waiting in that clam shell for hours, I’m happy to get out.”
“You better drop that gun!”
“No, I don’t think I will.”
“You don’t think I’ll shoot?”
“I think you have it in you, I just don’t care. They might, though,” the man said, nodding toward the area behind Martin, but he wasn’t taking his eyes off of the man with the gun. “Gino isn’t here to explain things, I got a car waiting. I’ll give you lift. The least I could do after spoiling your dinner.”
Martin could hear the boots and yelling. He started running. The man patted him on the back as he ran with him.
The man asked, “So what did he want with you, anyway?”
“I’m not telling you!”
They ran through the corridors, their pursuers not far behind. They would probably lose them if the man would stop giggling.
Martin asked, “What’s with you?”
“Hey, I’m having a good time. My name’s Charlie, what’s yours?”
“Jared.”
“Not Martin Wymoth?”
“Wymont and does everyone know me now?” Martin said and turned his gun on Charlie.
“Hold up, I think I dropped my keys…. No wait, there they are. Yeah, everyone’s talking about you. Been wondering when you’d turn up. Bounty that big is going to turn some heads.”
“How big is it now?”
“Five years. You’re embarrassing them, you know. They have your face all over the place. You’re not supposed to be let loose without your time. Real slip up. How’d you manage it?”
“Not important,” Martin said pulling the hammer of his gun to try to make his point, but Charlie was still not intimidated.
“Well, five years ain’t a bad start, but I think you could do a lot better. We could use a guy like you in the Fraternity of Loki.”
“Are you serious?” Martin asked. Charlie nodded cheerfully. “And what’s in it for me?”
“We’ll help you get that rich insurance guy. Hell, that sounds fun!”
“You got a card or something?”
“No, but we got tattoos. Check it out, I got mine on my ass,” Charlie said and bared the green tattoo of two snakes intertwined.
“You’re a lunatic.”
“In my circles, that’s a compliment. So what do you think?”
DP: Does Martin join a faction? If not, what does he do instead?
Last edited by Lebrenth on Fri Oct 25, 2019 5:19 am; edited 1 time in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Sep 19, 2019 11:36 am Post subject: |
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Oh. i liked the start of this, but I still think you're rushing it a bit, from the second half anyway.
Am enjoying though.
Personally, I wouldn't join a gang unless I had too, so I'd put him off. Say you're interested, but not now. In the meantime, see what you can get out of him for free, so to speak.
Keep em coming Lebs.
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| Posted: Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:06 pm Post subject: |
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I am woefully behind. These comments are in reference to chapter 6. I will do my best to catch up.
| Quote: | | He accepted his fate and slept in a locked dumpster that looked exactly the same as the one they found Brian Wymont in. |
After the torture recap, I thought this line was very, very poignant. It allows us as the reader to see a side to Martin that we hadn't up till now. The rage and revenge had consumed him and led him here, in this confounding middle area - and now in the hands of a devil and pain and torture. With this one line it shows that maybe he can see past what has led him here and on some level, even if it is a small one, empathize with the source of his rage. Or at least that is what this one reader inferred into it.
| Quote: | Then while they were alone, Garbage asked Piggy, “Why don’t we vanish?” Piggy smiled almost imperceptibly. She put her hand on Garbage’s cheek and quietly replied,
“We belong here. You know it. I know it.”
“How do you know?”
“We’re bad people, Martin.” |
| Quote: | “I don’t deserve it,” she said.
“You’re wrong. I’ve been there, you are worth everything! You just need help!” Martin said… it was Martin talking this time. She shook her head vigorously, she shut her ears against his words.
“Stop it! Don’t make me feel! |
Okay, I know this is a large clip of stuff that is quoted but it was necessary. For me this was so nice and I really loved this dialogue. There is so much to say here, but in my eyes this dialogue - if you will pardon the unintended pun - speaks for itself. Its deep, raw and for me strikes with a resonance that I love.
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Key
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| Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2019 1:54 pm Post subject: |
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| I think we'd better join up with these guys. No way we're taking Eldon down on our own.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Tue Sep 24, 2019 9:43 am Post subject: |
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Good to see you again, Emporer! Thanks for the feedback, I feel particularly self-conscious about the dialogue, but still feel that's how it would go. I'm glad you acknowledged the dumpster as well. It is a particularly important icon of his story.
Chinaren, funny you mention the second half in particular felt rushed. I was writing those lines at work, with one eye looking over my shoulder, but I was already a week behind my relaxed schedule so I was determined to keep writing. That said, even when I'm working on changing the pace, I still end up with something rather pulpy.
Key, thanks for your suggestions, we'll put up a poll option for each of the two gangs.
The poll as it's looking now:
Don't join a faction but leave options open and try to get some help from Charlie
Join the Romanos
Join the Fraternity of Loki
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Sep 26, 2019 8:08 am Post subject: |
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Poll is open!
Last edited by Lebrenth on Mon Sep 30, 2019 3:18 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Chinaren
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Oct 03, 2019 11:03 am Post subject: Ties again |
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| Gonna give it a few more days to see if we can get in a tie-breaker.
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Novelest_Ninjagirl
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| Posted: Thu Oct 24, 2019 10:07 pm Post subject: |
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Firstly, I am your tiebreaker! Secondly, some specific impressions:
| Quote: | His favorites were definitely the mermaids. He grinned at their graceful undulations and enticing smiles.
He said, “I’ll have a big plate of that.” |
Because I am tired, I legit thought for half a second that he was genuinely wanting to eat mermaid flesh. And I was intrigued by the twist, since mermaids often devour humans in the fairytales! Then my brain caught up and I realized Martin was being a perv again. XD none of these are complaints, just an interesting path your story sent my brain on, which I wanted to share.
| Quote: | | He proceeded to order things Martin had never heard of before and he wasn’t sure if it was because they were in Purgatory or because he’d been raised on mac and cheese. |
This, paired with the lobster comment from earlier, help add more dimension to Martin's life, now that we're in his death. It's a nice way of demonstrating how hard-up his family was, especially in comparison to people like Gino and Eldon, without outright saying so. I also really liked the imagery behind the servers serving drinks from above!
| Quote: |
Martin dropped under the table the instant the shell started to open. He’d seen mob movies to expect a trap, a bomb or something, that or a beautiful woman but he made his decision not to take the chance. The blasting of a machine gun and raining of bullet shells made it clear it was a trap. |
You got me, you jerk!  I totally didn't see that coming, because unlike our intrepid protagonist, I haven't watched any mob movies. Brava! though I think there's supposed to be an 'enough' in that 'he'd seen mob movies' line.
As for more general impressions, I agree that it feels a little rushed. If this weren't an SG, needing to end on a decision point, my suggestion would have been to flesh out the actual casing of the building, as well as meeting and dining with Gino, and end that chapter on the shell rolling out, then do a new chapter with a fleshed out Charlier interaction. ((These suggestions stand for if you edit this later, once it's completed and options have been decided))
Sorry this took me so long to get caught up on!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Fri Oct 25, 2019 5:24 am Post subject: Something broken that I don't want fixed. |
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Oh you broke the tie! In that case I can't use it for an excuse anymore. I better write another chapter.
Poll closed before anyone can tie it up again. Thanks for the feedback! I'll begin writing and we'll see if easing up on the strict schedule will improve the writing, since I'm still having difficulty finding time to do the work in even a bi-weekly schedule.
Join or Not?
Don't join a faction but leave options open and try to get some help from Charlie [ 2 ]
Join the Romanos [ 0 ]
Join the Fraternity of Loki [ 1 ]
Total Votes : 3
Who Voted: Chinaren, Key, Novelest_Ninjagirl
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Oct 30, 2019 5:44 am Post subject: Chapter 9: The Short Trip |
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Warning: this story has violence, swearing, gore, and sexual themes.
Chapter 9: The Short Trip
Martin started to respond, saying “Listen” but Charlie stopped him.
“Hold it right there, you don’t have to sign nothing in blood, hell, you don’t have to promise anything. Let me help you out. Come for the laughs, stay for the murder! You won’t regret it. Oh, and here’s the car.”
“What did you do, steal it from a parade?” Martin asked, looking at the large swan-shaped vehicle (and he wasn’t so sure it was a vehicle yet).
“I’m driving. You can ride in its breast, its ass, or on top.”
“I see you like to keep a low profile.”
“Not anymore. You know what I did in life?”
“Drug dealer.”
“Good guess. No, I sold health insurance.”
“Did you have any for yourself? Because you clearly need to be taking something.” Sounds of pursuit were getting closer, so Martin shook his head and looked for the door handle, which wasn’t easy.
Charlie looked grim and serious, though he was currently ignoring the fact that security was coming quickly. He stood there for his little monologue. “You might say I did. You might say I didn’t. When I needed it most, my own company wasn’t there for me. But I’m not mad about it.”
“Where’s the door!?”
“Dying is the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Tell me about it on the way, OK?”
“You see Martin, I was like you,” Charlie said, then he faced the three pursuers just coming into sight. One of them shot off a round as Charlie lifted his machine gun and lit them up. Their bodies did a little machine gun chacha before dropping to the ground. He smiled. “I used to take things so seriously. You have to take time to appreciate life!” He said and pointed at the gooey bullet-riddled bodies with his gun.
Martin pleaded, “I swear to God I will, Charlie, now please get this damn thing moving!” The sound attracted more security, they seemed to be on all sides now and closing in.
“Yeah, OK,” he said and he lifted the swan’s wing to hop inside. Martin finally found the door under the other wing and jumped in as well. The swan launched out into the neon studded darkness, and extended its wings leaving the cab exposed on both sides and precious little room for a person to ride.
Martin yelled, “This shit ain’t cool!”, as they began a 100 foot dive. They swooped through the thick layer of smoke at impressive speed.
Charlie said, “Where was I?”
Martin said dully, “You’ve been shot,” referring to an obvious bullet wound in his arm.
“What, that? It’s nothing! Literally. Watch this,” Charlie said and he waved his hand over the hole. Like wiping off a smudge, it was gone. “Hey, what’s that behind your ear?”
“Get outta here,” Martin said, smiling in spite of himself. He couldn’t help it, especially when Charlie revealed the bullet as though he found it. “How the hell did you do that?”
“Same way I do this,” Charlie said and he threw the bullet away and it instantly turned into a white dove. “The same way everything works around here.”
“You sure you weren’t a magician?”
Charlie shook his head and said, “I told you, I sold insurance. I worked for your favorite person, Gabriel Eldon, for about 20 years.”
“You worked at HealthBridge?”
“Yep. it was a comfortably boring life taking advantage of other people living comfortably boring lives. Working at that company made me sick. It’s surprising I didn’t kill myself, but luckily I got cancer. The big boss was fighting cancer too, so I thought he’d take care of me, but not so much. Turns out people fighting for their lives don’t have much strength for wrestling with insurance, so it’s easy to pull one over on them. So anyway they have a lot of practice and I knew I was beat. Then I died and saw this place and it all came together. I realized just how ridiculous the universe was.”
Martin spoke gravely, “That’s why I’m here to set things straight.”
“Think so, cowboy? Think killing him here will make everything right?”
“No, there needs to be more. I need to figure out how to really make him pay.”
“He’s pulling his same tricks here as he did on Earth. His customers can’t collect if they’re already in Judgement. He’ll be living the high life in Purgatory for thousands of years.”
“I can’t let that happen. If it takes a thousand years, I’ll get him. My clock hasn’t even started.”
“Yeah, I know, it’s a real gasser.”
Martin said, “So give me some ideas.”
Charlie gave out a long “hmmmmmmmmm” as he thought. Meanwhile, they glided toward what appeared to be a haunted mansion. Green fire burned all around it and enormous mirrors flew around or floated in the air. All sorts of strange things went in and out of the mirrors, mostly magician’s props, like top hats, wands, cards, rabbits, ghosts, saws.... Martin was just becoming aware of it and growing concerned. White Smoke ~ Endless Tunnels ~ Abrupt shifts of perspective.
“Where are we going?”
“The Hall of Mirrors. It’s a trip, my man, I love it. I think you’ll actually hate it, but they know some seriously amusing tricks that will be useful. Eldon hasn’t been here long enough to know ‘The Secret’, though maybe someone tried to tell him. He may still be vulnerable.”
Martin said mockingly, “What’s ‘The Secret’?” with finger quotes.
“This is kind of a Wizard of Oz thing. You wouldn’t believe it, not really, if I just told you. You know I’m crazy, and I need to bring you down to my level before you’ll understand.”
“Sounds like you want to drive me insane.”
“You’re catching my drift, good on you. Honestly, you have enough hints already to figure it out if you were ready.”
The swan landed, then turned its head and honked at Martin as though to tell him to get out.
Martin screamed, “This damn thing is alive!?” He jumped out and put some distance between them. The swan took off, leaving Charlie and Martin in front of a spiked iron gate.
Charlie spoke up, “No.”
“What is it?”
“A figment of my imagination.”
“You imagined it into existence?”
“Right again, Martin. I’m going to open this gate for you, but you need to decide now if you’re going in.”
“I’m not afraid.”
“If only that were true.”
Martin showed more trepidation than he meant to. He’d already fallen into a trap and suffered for it. Now he had to keep an eye over his shoulder for a devil too. He wanted help, but this place didn’t look like help. It looked like curses and suffering. Wretched things peeking through black windows ~ Swirling pools of blood and slime ~ Ubiquitous moaning on the edge of awareness. Surely Charlie was a certifiable mad man and there was no guarantee he meant to help anyone. In fact he killed 7 people in the short time since they met.
“I’m not afraid, I’m just not stupid either.”
“Oh my god, what do you think I’m going to do, steal your kidney? If you want, I’ll take you somewhere else, but if you want my help, this is where it starts.”
“I’ve never needed anyone’s help before, why start now?”
“Now that’s just a god damned lie and you know it. Maybe this isn’t for you, after all. Maybe you should go see your brother first.”
“I’m getting sick of everyone knowing my business.”
“Nothing you can do about it. You’re a celebrity now. Hell, you could probably start your own gameshow, if you have a decent idea. Of course, then you’d be advertising yourself to the agents of Death… and it wouldn’t help you in your mission of revenge… so yeah, never mind all that. Here’s an idea, we go in, guns blazing, and just kill the son of a bitch. Maybe not a final solution, but it will feel good. We’re pretty much guaranteed to die immediately afterward, and who knows what they’ll do with our remains, not that it matters.”
“Just let me think a second,” Martin said.
DP: What is Martin’s next decision?
Last edited by Lebrenth on Mon Nov 04, 2019 9:36 am; edited 1 time in total
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Novelest_Ninjagirl
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Joined: 09 Dec 2007
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| Posted: Wed Oct 30, 2019 11:43 am Post subject: |
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Martin pleaded, “I swear to God I will, Charlie, |
I feel like saying something like this should have an Effect™ in this place, and I'm definitely holding my breath to see if it does.
| Quote: | | “Sounds like you want to drive me insane.” |
He said, while riding in a swan-thing that exposes it's sides to glide. I feel like it's not much of a trip for Martin boy XD
I can't tell if this chapter was shorter or just less bogged down with details, but it was refreshingly quick to read compared to your others so far! It's nice to change the feeling for the sake of pacing. I'm enamored with Charlie, to be honest, which has me afraid, because my favorite characters have a tendency of going evil or dead. Though... he might already be both, if I'm honest.
As for Martins next decision, I say he goes in. Sure, he's fallen for one trap already, but at least this one isn't deceptive and attractive. He's flown into the honey and it wasn't to his taste, might as well sip the vinegar.
_________________
My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)
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Key
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Joined: 08 Feb 2004
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| Posted: Sat Nov 02, 2019 8:08 am Post subject: |
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| Yeah, I like Charlie too. Seems like of all the people we've met here, he seems to have the best grip on what's going on. I wouldn't trust him to keep us safe, exactly, but I think he's telling the truth when he says this place can help us. I say go in.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Nov 03, 2019 12:29 am Post subject: |
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Nicely done Lebs, like!
It's a no brainer this one I think - go with him!
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