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 Posted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 8:50 am Post subject: To Be A Knight - Chapter Eight: Underground *~*NEW*~* |
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Prolog
Looking up, I see Master Calib watching me. As he looks down over the edge of the Pahrah, I can only see from his chest up. As always when he watches me, I feel as if there is nothing I can't do. Turning back to my opponent, I reach out with my weapon, touching it briefly against his. I see his eyes flash with the sound of metal-on-metal. With a twist of my wrist, I bring the smooth wood of my weapon flush against my arm and back, one of it's sickle like ends arcing over my head. My opponent places the tip of his sword on the ground in front of him, his thick burly hands gripping the hilt tight. I watch his muscles ripple beneath his thin sleeveless tunic as we wait for the signal to begin.
I close my eyes, focusing on my breath like Master Calib taught me. -Deep and slow, but don't relax too much, because when you do, that's when the final blow will come- The words, thought foolish by me at the time, have time and again saved me from fatal error. Opening my eyes again to the glare of the noon day sun, I take one more deep breath. With a loud clang, the match begins.
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Sitting alone in my chambers, my mind goes over and over the match this afternoon. Twice I came close to losing my head. I slam my fist hard into my other hand. “I shouldn't have lost my temper. How could I be so stupid!? I know better than to fall for those foolish taunts...” I stand up from my small bed and walk over to the only real luxury in my room. Opening the window wide, I gaze across the plains or my homeland towards the arena. Seven years ago today, Master Calib picked me out of a group of children to be his Han, his fighter. A child himself, I doubted his wisdom at first. Now, at the age of seventeen, I see how foolish I was.
I sigh, resting my head on the cool stone windowsill. As a taunak, one with no family, I've been looked down upon my while life... Until I became a Han. People still look down on me for being a taunak, as well as being small for a boy my age, but now their opinions don't matter so much. Only Master Calib's seem to have any meaning for me.
I feel a familiar rush. Spinning around, I look up to my ceiling. Where once was cold stone, I see now comforting face of my Master. His long, slender features at times remind me of the Edans of the north. With his pale skin and long red hair, he could almost pass as one. But one thing would make him stand out like a dog in a horse race. His smile. Warm and gentle, I forget all my woes the moment I see it. “Good match today.” His words of support cause me to bow my head in shame. “Forgive me Master Calib. I should not have lost my head as I did.” I feel warm skin under my chin, forcing me to look up at my Master. He holds his finger steady under my chin, keeping his eyes locked on mine.
“Do not bring yourself down like that. Graceful or not, you still have your head.” His finger brushes softly against my cheek, “and that is all that matters to me.” I nod slowly, feeling a bit better. I turn a tear streaked face away, wiping it clean with my sleeve. The green fabric darkens with the moisture. He always knows what I need to hear. When I look back up at the Pahrah, the window in the sky, or in this case the ceiling, I find I can now smile back at my Master. “Care to visit today?” His high, childlike voice dances with amusement. He knows I never turn down a chance to be with him.
His smile widens as he watches me nod vigorously. Reaching once again through the Pahrah, his warm hand wraps softly but firmly around my middle. I hold the top of his thumb tight as I'm lifted off my feet. As I raise higher, I feel the tingle of the barrier. I squeeze him tighter as he brings me out of my world, and into his...
_______
Hope you enjoy this, and yes, it IS a Sci -Fi
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Last edited by PopeAlessandrosXVIII on Wed May 22, 2013 9:46 pm; edited 11 times in total
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Thunderbird
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:22 am Post subject: Thanks |
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Thanks for the look, I got a good idea what happens in chapter one, but it might be a bit long. I hope it's not too daunting when I get to typing it!
I LOVE the "Me" point of view!
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kkdestiny
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| Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 10:02 pm Post subject: |
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good, very good *wise old woman form*  I likes it very much and am very excited to see it continue.
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I now have three SGames! "Mist in a Cave" Chapter 5 is in the works
"The Freedom of Magic" Just got its THIRD chapter up!
Hope you all find the time to read them  *goes off to look for an SG to read*
Note to self: The Elven Moon; Coin; SVI; Black Animals; Two Wolves; Angel Cat
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| Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:25 pm Post subject: Chapter 1: Crisis |
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*I suppose I should put a mature themes warning here. It's nothing explicit, but better safe than sorry, ne?*
Chapter 1: Crisis
The world around me expands and grows. In all directions I see strange objects. Master Calib has taught me what many of them are, but I am still filled with a sense of awe every time I see them. Master Calib, standing almost as tall as the tower I live in, moves slowly over to a table filled with multicolored instruments. A light blue flame spouts from the top of a lamp tall as myself. The flame seems to be warming the brow liquid I often see my Master drinking. Setting me down amongst the numerous glass vials littering the tabletop, he pulls a chair on wheels over to sit nearby.
'There he goes. Needs his drink.' I wander over to the nearest glass object and watch Master Calib out of the corner of my eye. He douses the flame, and pours a good quantity of the liquid into a dark blue mug. Blowing over the steaming top, he looks over at me. I pretend to not notice his eyes following me around the table as I examine the things on his table. He's told me on more than one occasion that he enjoys just watching me. After several minutes, I wander over to the edge of the table closest to him. Sitting with my legs over the edge, I look up into the deep green pools that are my Master's eyes.
The metallic walls behind him seem cold in comparison to my masters taste in furniture. He's told me time and again of how few luxuries people of his status are allowed. “So, they still say such things? Even after all the fights you've won?” My head hangs low as I recall the taunt that had sent me into a rage during the recent clash. ~No matter who you serve, you are still but a taunak! Your Master is a fool for choosing one as low as you!~ Gritting my teeth against the memory, I glance up at Master Calib through my bangs, the silver white mat obscuring much of his face.
'It wasn't so much the insult to me I minded....' “Master. I care not what they call me. I know my strength, and with you, I feel little loss for having not a family. But I can not tolerate when a fool says such things about you...” Looking up fully into his face, I feel my stomach flip as his face shows amusement, as well as something that makes my cheeks heat every time I see it. Resting a finger on my forehead, he brushes my bangs aside. With a chuckle, he says “I see. Well, I am honored you feel so strongly about it, but I'd rather bear a thousand insults than have you die defending me from one fools ignorance.” I nod. At times like this, a part of me, the part that believes in impossible dreams, begins to dance and I feel like a kite in a storm. 'If only...'
A knock at the door brings me back to reality. I brace myself as Master Calib scoops me up and deposits me in the chest pocket of his loose fitting pants. I curl up tight and remain as silent as possible. My being here is not allowed. While Master Calib, and those like him, are permitted to send their view into my realm, such a breach in protocol could end with my Master being imprisoned. I try my best not to listen. Master's affairs in this world are no business of mine. I can not help but perk up when I hear his voice raise, overriding the others words. “I don't care of what has been done in the past! Things must change! Good day Terin!”
I hear master's door slide shut, and my body jostles around a bit as he move around his room. After a full minute of non stop motion, I finally feel the material around me shift. The warm flesh of Master Calib's fingers wrap tight around my middle. Lifted into the blinding light after the pitch black of the pocket, I throw an arm across my eyes as a shield. “I'm sorry my friend, I'm afraid I have to send you back now.” Lowering my arm I feel myself flinch at the look of fury on his face. Striding over to the thing he uses to view my world, and after pressing a few lights, my room appears on the smooth surface beneath me. “Good-bye Master Calib...” I mutter softly as 'm lowered back through the barrier. My feet touch down gently, and I feel Master Calib run a finger from my crown to the underside of my chin.
Looking up, I see a brief return of his warm smile before he pulls his arm back, and the Pahrah vanishes, leaving behind cold stone. Looking about, I see the sun setting beyond my small window. With a sigh, I move to the door, passing through to the hall beyond. Walking down the well beaten path to the servant's quarters, I mentally count the doors on the right. '5, 6, 7, 8 for Shait...' I stand for a long time just staring at the worn gray wood of the aged door. I jump as the door opens. The room's occupant stares at me for a time, then steps out, closing the door behind him. “I saw your fight today. It was amazing the way you moved around the arena like that.” Shait, my best and only friend, chatters on about the match as we walk back to my room. His hand grips my arm just above the elbow, his shoulder length hair brushing against it occasionally.
As soon as the door to my room closes behind us, I pull him into a tight embrace. I hear him gasp, his own arms wrapping around my back. For years now, Shait has been my comfort. I found him in a whore house in the town of Yamesh. He was being beaten for insulting a customer. As I draw him down into my bed, I recall that look in his eyes. That broken, almost dead look of an overworked animal. Using all the money I had earned from a recent free battle, I purchased him then and there. For months, he worked keeping my armor clean and weapon sharp. He would flinch every time I reached for him, even if it was just to pat him on the head in thanks. After half a year, he finally seemed to warm up. It's then that he asked, “If you needed a page, there are many who could a better job than I. Why, of all people, did you choose a....One such as me?”
His body feels so hot beneath my touch. I look up into his flushed face, eyes closed and mouth parted, and smile at the memory. He'd been turned almost completely away from me, ducked down as if to avoid reproach. I had drawn him into a loose hug, his small form had trembled so, and replied with all the truthfulness I could muster, “I doubt there is another person in this world with even a shadow of a chance of being better than you. Nor do I think there is one who would want to serve one such as I with the fervor you do.” I took him to my bed for the first time that night. He insisted on showing me how happy my words had made him. Being the first time for me, I had simply lain there, letting him do as he liked. Ever sense then, many a night found us in heated embrace. He taught me what it meant to please one's body. My mind shifts back to the present. Rolling us over, I chuckle at his startled squeak. Leaning down, I kiss him softly. “My turn...”
_____________
Hours later we lay exhausted on the sweat soaked bed covers. Feeling him shiver, I reach down and pull up the blanket to cover us. He rests his head on my chest, his body pressed close to mine in an effort to ward off the cool evening air. I feel my mind drifting off when suddenly I hear Shait's voice. Cracking an eye open, I ask him to repeat himself. His fingers curl into a fist on my chest. “I said, so you went to visit again today, huh?”A sharp feeling of guilt tugs at my heart at his words. I can hear the faint bitterness behind his voice. Pressing a kiss to the top of his head, I gaze down at the auburn strands splayed out across his slick back. He knows where my heart lies, and I know too, where his does. I run my hand along his side, before pulling him even tighter against me. “Yes, I went to his world.” He buries his face into my chest. Stroking his back, we lay there, silent.
I sit up suddenly, causing Shait to yelp as he falls back on to the mattress. 'What in the seven realms?' I stare transfixed at the Pahrah that had appeared without warning in my ceiling. I can hear crashing and banging coming from the room beyond. I can feel Shait grab my arm, pressing close to my back. “What's happening?” I hear his ask, voice barely above a whisper. I shake my head in response. Suddenly, Master Calib's head appears. I stand, ignoring my nudity, and walk directly below my Master's face. “Lista! Thank the stars you're here! I need you to take this. Guard it with your life! No matter what happens to me, we must continue to move forward. Never forget that!” I feel panic rising fast in my chest.
Master's hand comes through the Pahrah, a small shining device resting on his index finger. I grab it and hold it with one hand tight to my chest. With the other hand I grab on to my Master's finger as tight as I can. “Wait! Master Calib, please! What's happening? What do you mean no matter what happens to you!? Master Calib!” I feel tears pouring down my cheeks as I cry out to my most precious person. He runs a finger across my cheek, wiping my tears, before pulling his arm back through the Pahrah. I scream as I watch an arm wrap around my Masters face. I see his hand come down, and the Pahrah vanishes. I fall to my knees, my eyes staring blindly at the ceiling. Warm arms wrap around my shaking shoulders. Reaching up I grip Shait's arms, pulling him around, I bury my face in his shoulder.
He holds me close and lets me cry myself dry. I sniffle a few times before pulling back. He uses the thin bed covering he'd dragged with him to dry my face. I manage to compose myself enough to actually look at the device in my hand. Running my fingers over the cool surface, I let it across my lap. Like a belt, it has a clasp on one side, and holes on the other. There seems to be metal mounted behind the buckle. The metal has several of those colored lights I've seen Master Calib push on the device that connects our worlds, as well as one large light on the buckle itself. I stare at the device my Master has entrusted to me, and I can't help but start to cry again. 'What in the worlds is important enough for someone to do something to Master?' Shait's cool fingers rest comfortingly on my shoulder, and I reach up, taking it into my own.
*********
So, what shall I do? Play with the device? Leave immediately? Demand to contact the other world and find out what happened to my Master? Anything else you can think of? I hope you enjoyed this first chapter, and I'll leave it up for a good time cause of the holidays. I hope you all a Merry X-mas, and a happy new years!
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Last edited by PopeAlessandrosXVIII on Fri Feb 25, 2011 9:17 pm; edited 2 times in total
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 8:18 am Post subject: Yo |
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I'ma put little post-its here to keep it on the list of recent posts fer a while, cause of christmas and all. Hope you guys like it!
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| Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 2:19 pm Post subject: Well.... |
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- I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me.... - Any one here? I know I'm not that good a writer, but does this story truly hold no interest? *Sits in a corner* I like it.....and for once, I ain't planning anything.. It's totaly open in suggestions here! *Lays down* I'll just be waiting....
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 9:51 am Post subject: |
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Sorry to have missed this one when you posted it (and even when you bumped it...). I've been around, just a bit distracted with another project of late but I'm not gone. I'd say that's probably the same from many other IFians as well.
Nice to see there's still some life in the city.
So, I must admit, the size variation between worlds was something that I was finding a bit confusing for a bit there but I think I get it now... I think.
Otherwise, I don't think you can blame any lack of writing talent on the fact that we've all been a bit distant from the site as a whole... this often happens around X-Mas and New Years and slowly recovers from there... not unusual. In fact, your grammar, spelling, and imagery is quite excellent really. I'm just having a little trouble with understanding the 'worlds'. For a moment there I was convinced our main character was a mouse or a cat or something, being placed in the master's pocket and all.
Anyhow, he's going to want to do whatever he can to help his master so obviously if those buttons are at all familiar from his master's manipulating the portals between the worlds, he'd do what he can to figure out how to use them so he can get there to offer assistance, even if he is only a couple inches tall in that realm.
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 CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...  
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:03 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with TB, try to use the device to get back to the world of the master. Hopefully our size will actually be a benefit because we'll be harder to see. We may need to be concerned that using the device will draw attention to us (as though activating it allows some device to track it).
In any case, I definitely want to go to the world of the giants. We should take Shait too, if possible.
As for the writing, it's brilliant. The flow and pacing is very good, and the imagery is vivid without getting in the way. I never felt lost at all, except that I thought the main character was a male at first... Actually, I'm still not totally sure that Lista is a female. Could you make it clear for us?
The erotic nature of the story is so well done that I found it disturbing, and yet there aren't any real explicit details. I'm very impressed by the emotional response the story was able to create. I would feel more comfortable if I knew the gender of the main character. I was also put off by the descriptions of the characters being very child-like. Not wishing to upset anyone, but just to explain my perspective, it seemed like a love triangle between three young boys was what I was reading. And the description was very well done, to my horror.
One way or the other, some mention of Lista's gender is important. It's in first person perspective, so you'll have to go out of your way to do it. Nonetheless, as mentioned before, the writing is very good and the story should be interesting. Sorry for the delay in response, but like TB said, it's a slow time of year for IF.
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| Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:21 pm Post subject: Well... |
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Well...I'll answer best I can....The main character is male, age 17, Shait is 16, and Master Calib is 19. This is set in midevil/futuristic setting, so the young ages are kinda on purpose. Boys were almost exspected to be sexualy active at younger ages then. Sorry that disturbes you.
As for TB thinking they're mice...no. The size difference will be tecnologicaly explained later.
OH! And as for size difference, Lista is about 4-5 inches tall. Y'know, action figure sized. But not really...Lista would be about 5'9" in his world. Sorry for all the confusion. It's hard to put too may details in the "Me" point of view without being obvious  
Hope that clears some stuff up! And I hope for more suggestions soon! Enjoy!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:59 pm Post subject: |
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Ok then. Well I think I'll continue to read the story, but yeah, the fact they are three young men is disturbing to me. I can't fault you for inaccuracy, as I'm sure there is historical knowledge of such relations in warrior societies. Additionally, challenging the perspectives of modern society is what Science Fiction is all about. Well done.
I still think you should mention somewhere in the story that the main character is male, for the sake of clarity.
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| Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2011 8:36 pm Post subject: Well... |
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Thank you for your notes. I'll take them to heart.  I'm glad you enjoy it enough to read it through your unease.
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| Posted: Sat Jan 15, 2011 11:18 am Post subject: |
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I have to admit to similar feelings but it didn't bother me per se... but yeah, would be more fair to make the homo-erotica aspect of it a bit more apparent by doing more than inferring the gender of our main character. This aspect doesn't detract me from reading it by any means and I think it may be a nice... challenging... aspect for many readers that keeps them tuned in despite themselves.
Highly agreed that it was crazily well delivered despite lacking in any real explicit detail. In many ways, that was its strength...
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Sat Jan 15, 2011 12:07 pm Post subject: Thanks |
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I thank you for your praise. I will make sure to better discribe my characters gender in the next installment. I wanna poll soon, but I stil hear only one suggestion. Thank you for reading it. I'll poll in the next day or 2 *Grin*
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| Posted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 9:16 am Post subject: Yo |
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Huzzah! I found a place in the prolog to fit in the fact that "I'm" a boy! See if you can find it. I'll be setting up the poll in a little bit, so I hope to see some voting!
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| Posted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 6:59 pm Post subject: |
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Good job. It still flows nicely, but it let's us know that important piece of information.
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| Posted: Fri Jan 28, 2011 8:18 am Post subject: Yo |
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Polls up! How do I proceed? Alone, with Shait, how?!
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| Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 2:33 am Post subject: |
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Caught up finally!
I agree with TB and Lebs - the writing is excellent, and the visual impact was very strong.
As a side-note regarding the relationship between the characters - I wasn't so concerned with the need for clarification of Lista's gender, at least not at this early stage. To me we're discovering the characters' traits in the same way that we're discovering this alien world.
We're seeing and feeling everything through Lista - the character's feelings and personality are what makes the character. There was some distinctly male behaviour and female behaviour from Lista, and I would have set it as a challenge to the reader to work out for themselves which gender they were reading as.
Anyway, apologies for not getting to this sooner - I'll certainly be ready and waiting for the next chapter.
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Exmortis
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| Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 4:05 am Post subject: |
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I essentially experianced this story the same way as everyone else. I became kind of uneasy when the characters began to get intimate between the male characters.
I didn't realize the protaganist was a boy (The evolution Lista gender from my perspective: Male > Female > Male) and I hadn't prepared myself for that kind of relationship. So you managed to surprise me and make me re-read the story a couple times, congrats. :)
Later I rationalized that these organisms are not human, they may not have the same gender types or sexual dynamics that humans do. But still, it was a good twist... really caught me off guard.
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| Posted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 5:27 pm Post subject: Poll |
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Well, I'me sure there'll be no big turn around here as far as voting goes, but I'll leave it up for another day. Who knows?
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| Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:48 pm Post subject: Poll |
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Alright, here's poll results.
What to do?
Go to Master Calib's World/ Take Shait
100% [ 4 ]
Go to Master Calib's World/ Leave Shait Behind
0% [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 4
Who Voted: Crunchyfrog, Exmortis, Midnight, Thunderbird
I guess it's on to another chapter to go! I can do it! Wish me luck. (I really can't wait to get going on this)
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| Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 10:35 pm Post subject: Chapter 2: Outside |
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Chapter 2: Outside
Taking a few shuddering breaths, I slide my fingers across the cool metallic surface several times to calm my nerves. I can feel Shait's hand trembling in my grasp. Brushing his fingers gently, I take a few steadying gulps of air. My eyes flicker across the device. I recognize most of the buttons. In a matter of seconds, a plan forms in my mind. 'I must rescue him.' Sliding out from under Shait's hand, I stand. Taking several steps away, I begin strapping on the belt. I see Shait stand, moving towards me. “No!” I snap.
I feel a wave of guilt surge through me at the hurt look on his soft face. “Y-you are leaving me, aren’t you? You're going to leave me and chase after him...” I look away, unable to deny his words. A few swift step brings him nearly flush with my chest. “No...Please....don't leave me.” The tears laced in his voice cuts deep, and I find myself embracing him.
“You can not come. It is far to dangerous.” He presses close to me, hiding his face in the hollow of my neck. I can feel his hands slide up until they are wrapped firmly around my shoulders from the bottom.
“I will never leave you! Never! Lista, you are my life. Without you, I am nothing. Not only to this world, but for myself...” I can see his bright blue eyes sparkling with tears as ho looks out the window to the left of us. I know he's seeing far beyond what his eyes can perceive. I feel him shudder, and I know he's looking with his heart to the boy he was before I took him in.
Sliding my hand up, I begin untangling his hair with my fingers as I lose myself in thought. 'He should stay here. He has no battle training! From the way Master Calib sounded, there is great danger over there...But, if I leave him here, he's right. Without me here, he would be sold off as an abandoned page. I...I can't leave him here...' Sliding my hands down, I wrap my arms firmly around his waist. 'My comfort. My dear. My right hand.' Looking down at the mat of hair tucked against my neck, I smile for a brief second. “No. I could never leave you behind.”
His head snaps up at my whispered confession, his eyes sparkling, for a different reason this time. Pressing my lips over his, I give him a kiss, filled with everything he means to me. When I pull back, he gasps, clinging to me, his shoulder shaking with new found tears.
Keeping a firm hold on both my own tears, and Shait, I glance down at the right side of the device. Reaching over to the shelf where I keep my weapon, I slide it sheath and all between our heated bodies. I feel one of Shait's arms pull back so he can grasp the leather tightly in a shaky hand. Pressing a kiss to his forehead, I whisper, choking on the words, “Hang on tight, and never let go. I-I don't know what's going to happen. We may end up dead over there. Wh-we may never see this world again.” Tugging on his chin, I bring his head up so I can look into those deep wells of blue. “Is this alright with you?”
He lunges up, wrapping a slim arm tight around my neck, and pressing his forehead firm against my own. “To the realm of death and suffering, or to the very gates of the Land of Light. As long as I am with you, I can live with any trial, and be content to die by your side.” His whispered words bring forth a single tear. Cutting a cool trail down my flush cheek, my mind shifts to more than it's chill. Leading Shait back to my bed, I swiftly gather up our clothing. Tossing Shait's to him, we dress in a flash. Pulling him close to me again with my left arm, my Master's order rings through my mind. -I need you to take this. Guard it with your life! No matter what happens to me, we must continue to move forward. Never forget that!-
The twang of guilt at my disobeying him is swiftly overridden by the need to see him safe. 'Forgive me, Master Calib' Closing my eyes, I focus on all the times I had seen Master work the device for the Pahrah. Taking a deep breath, I whisper, “Ready?” Shait nods, burying his face into my shoulder. Running my fingers over buttons several times in the proper order, making sure I would get it right, I finally press each glowing circle in perfect rhythm with the beating of my heart.
Before I even have the chance to tense, I feel my body being pulled up. Shait's fingernails sink into my back as he clings to me. The familiar sensation of passing through the barrier makes my skin jump and tingle. Shait whimpers in my arms, so I rub his back soothingly. In mere moments, We find ourselves standing in what is unmistakeably Master Calib's room. My eyes widen at the sight of overturned tables and shattered glass everywhere. My heart begins beating rapidly, and I can panic rising in my throat, threatening to cut off my air. Shait stirring in my embrace brings me back from the verge of screaming in terror, and it is at that moment I realize something that knocks the wind right out of me.
Detaching from Shait, I clasp his hand in mine, then walk over to the Pahrah device. The glow is still fading from it's surface from it's recent activity, and I reach out in disbelief. Brushing my fingers across it, I look down into the pool. The device is waist high, the same height it is on Master Calib. In fact, everything seems just about the right size. Pressing my hand over my mouth, my innards churn with a new feeling. One of wonder, and awe. 'It has to be the belt!' Looking down at the now rather plain looking belt about my hips, I can barley make out the faint outlines of all it's many buttons. I let go of Sait's hand to caress it, feeling for the smooth circles.
I hear a cry come from Shait, and my head snaps up. My eyes, having narrowed at the threat of danger, now widen in shock at the sight before me. Rather swiftly, Shait shrinks to the size I am so used to being in my Master's world. I gawk, speechless. So many thing. So much to take in, so quickly. The sound of Shait crying out for me yanks me from the confused stupor that had taken me hostage. Automatically, I reach out for him. The second my fingers brush against his bare hand, he begins growing, and soon he's back to the size he was upon arrival. 'This is truly a wonder!' My mind shouts.
Clinging to me, Shait presses his face to my arm, his hot tears soaking through my tunic to my now chilled flesh. “Lista, please don't let me go. Being so small, it frightened me more than I could have imagined being so.” Caressing his head with my free hand, I mutter words of reassurance. Remembering my first time here, I tell him of discovering how his neighbor's pet thought I'd be a tasty meal. His grip on my arm tightens. Pulling him in for a hug, I can feel his tense body finally relaxing. Looking around at Master's room, I recall also many heated discussions I was unable to block out throughout the years.
*Flashback*
“You don't know what you're talking about! If these animals come to reali-” Master's voice cuts in, sharp as a knife.
“How dare you call them animals! They are just as sentient as you or I! Who are you to judge them? They deserve to know everything!.” Master Calib's voice causes me to shudder. 'I've never heard him so angry...' I feel him pacing back and forth, the sound of him turning every few seconds sounds harsh in my ears. “With my research, there will be no more NEED for these senseless battles! They'll be able to grow beyond them.”
I hear the other's voice, haughty and arrogant, “And what then? They come here? Destroy all we've works for over the years?” I hear the sound of hard soled shoes clip on the ground, then fade in the direction of the door. I can hear the other chuckling. “As it stands now, I'm content with being their 'Gods'. And so should you be.” The hiss of Master's door signals the other's exit.
*End Flashback*
I remember Master Calib being upset for quite some time after that altercation. It was only my second time going to my Master's world, and I was determined not to make it my last by asking questions. Now I wish I had. Whatever they had been fighting about had to be about my people, and for some reason, the other was worried about what Master Calib was up to. Perhaps, Master's research is more threatening than he thought, and that's what got him into trouble.
I caress the belt again, trying hard to remember anything that might help in rescuing my Master. I freeze. Looking down at the belt, I begin to understand. Not wanting to frighten Shait, I keep my thoughts to myself. 'If this belt is what Master Calib had been working on that caused all this mess, then there is no telling what we're in for here. Just me wearing it is going to cause problems. And with Shait shrinking to six inches tall if I'm not touching him....' I sigh, still holding Shait tight. Gritting my teeth, I look around at the mess of papers strewn about the room.
“Shait. I need you to help me.” Look up at me, he tilts his head quizzically. “We need to find where they took Master Calib. He taught me how to read his language...for the most part. Help me find any papers that look important. They may give a clue to what's going on.” I see him bite down on his bottom lip at the mere mention of Master Calib, but I know he will do anything to help me. “Keep an eye out for anything with pictures on it. I think it may help us to understand this belt Master Calib gave me.” Making sure to keep our fingers linked, we begin searching.
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Last edited by PopeAlessandrosXVIII on Mon Feb 28, 2011 10:42 am; edited 1 time in total
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 9:33 am Post subject: |
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Glad I had a moment to come back around to this one.
So... the size thing... I'm a little confused. Who's what size now and why?
I mean, its interesting, but you're not being overly explicit about it and its a little complex so may need some overindulgent description.
I've never been a big fan of meta-dps (where we're not trying to sort out what the character's next choice is so much as what will happen next in the story) because that just feels like the author's realm. But that comes from having a roll-playing background I guess. It's tough to say, but I suppose they should find some evidence as to where to go from here in all their searching. He may not have left any notes that say "X will capture me soon" but he might leave enough to navigate a few steps into the investigation. Follow up on names mentioned in the writings, etc...
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 10:03 am Post subject: Sorry |
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Sorry guys, I was on 3 days no sleep when I got to writing this one. I'll go back through now and do some maintenence. Sorry for the DP the way it is, but I did it for a reason.
I'm....a person who likes being in control. When I started with the SGing, I already had pre-set ideas as to what was going to happen, and all the DPs are set so that they'll reach that end. Cept Grargoth....Anyway, with this story, I was determined NOT to look ahead, so when it came to the DP, I decided to go at it full force with leaving it in your hands.
It may seem a hassle, but please, have fun with it! I want this one more game, less story!
I'ma go attack that last chapter now......
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| Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 10:44 am Post subject: Yo |
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There, I hope that fixed things up a bit. And perhaps the new info will help with the DP. Well, I'm off. Had to go home early today. Suppose to be in bed. My sis is gonna kill me when she catches me up. Heheh. I hope you all enjoy!
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| Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 1:59 am Post subject: Yo! |
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I need some more ideas...I went through and did a bit of an overhaul on the chapter. Added a whole new part to it.... I hope it helped. Anyway, need mroe ideas! Please? *Big shiny eyes*
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 12:47 pm Post subject: |
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Just for clarification, is this a MetaDP? If so, we need some good conflict. How about a friend of Master Calib enters the room to find out what happened to his friend? When he sees Lista and Shait, he flies into a rage because he assumes they are among those who abducted Master Calib and they tore the place up looking for something.
Maybe we could have the abductors coming back using a strange device that seems to be tracking the belt. Might be nice for Lista to use all of that warrior training.
I was surprised that we grew, but that will be very helpful. It's very interesting that Shait has to keep in contact with Lista to maintain his size! That will make fighting a lot trickier....
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| Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 2:32 pm Post subject: Yes |
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Yup! This is a MetaDP. Anything your crazy minds can come up with is welcome! But please, no sudden main character deaths? It'd put a real cramp on continueing the story, ne?
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| Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2011 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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| They should definitely try to find some sort of instruction manual. They might want to check the hall and make sure there's no one out there. Also, they might want to see if there's a way that they can both stay the same size without needing to be in contact. Does it have to be touch or would a rope work as well? Or some other connection?
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| Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2011 12:14 pm Post subject: Well now... |
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Hmmmmm.....Good idea. I'll have to think about that one.
Hey guys, any more suggestions? Remember, this is a Meta DP. Meaning This is more of a "What" happens next rather than a "How" things happen next.
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| Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2011 7:25 pm Post subject: Polling |
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Fiiiiiinaly pooling! I had to mush tosh a few of the suggestions to make them make sens in a poll, but it works! Have at it!!!! Cast your votes now!
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| Posted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 4:00 am Post subject: |
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I vote for the 'A friend of Master Calib finds them' Option.
It gives the author the chance to add some action while at the same time thickening the plot.
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| Posted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 8:59 am Post subject: |
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Now that I am reminded of this particular DP, I can see why you were so personally involved in the met-DP discussion. That said, it may be interesting to try to run a whole SG on meta-DPs. I'm not good at coming up with suggestions for them really because I usually think so much further down the story to determine what's happening next (I rarely ever come to a point where I think to myself as an author "what now?") but I must admit the poll on this is quite interesting. Some good ideas have been thrown in.
And since I now know the thinking behind the use of meta's here, I can fully support them. Challenging yourself as an author is a noble effort.
More fascinating still is that you currently have a unanimous poll after 3 votes!
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Mon Mar 28, 2011 3:40 am Post subject: |
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Caught up and voted. But I think I'll have to re-read the first chapter again - it's been a while!
Good going, although I don't think my vote is going to count for much
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| Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 1:40 am Post subject: Poll Results |
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What happens next?
Find clues pointing to a particular person as the culprit
25% [ 1 ]
A friend of Master Calib comes in and finds them and attacks, thinking them responsable for the kidnapping
75% [ 3 ]
Get surprised by the bad guys returning, led there by a tracking device tuned to the belt
0% [ 0 ]
Discover an instruction manual for the belt
0% [ 0 ]
Use the room to experiment on what the belt does, and how it works, as it relates to Shait
0% [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 4
Who Voted: Crunchyfrog, Exmortis, Lebrenth, Thunderbird
I'll get on this as soon as I've had some sleep....Yay the CON!
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| Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 5:50 am Post subject: |
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| Hehe, welcome back!
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| Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 7:32 am Post subject: |
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We're still waiting for the next chapter here! Though we're only 2 chapters in so far, there's been a lot of progress, which is really encouraging. I'd like to see what you do next with the story.
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 4:46 am Post subject: Chapter 3 |
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Chapter Three – Alliance
Almost an hour of searching leaves us no closer to finding out what's happened to Master Calib. Cursing I kick a pile of papers before stalking off to a corner of the room, Shait in tow. His warm fingers tighten their grip as I pull him along. 'Nothing! There is nothing here that can help us!' I feel anger and helplessness boiling hotter and hotter in my chest. Spinning around, I slam my back against the corner in frustration. Shait moves in close, sliding his arms around me. Running a hand over my shoulder blades, he begins humming an old child's song.
The sound works it's way into my body, relaxing my tense muscles. I tilt my head down, planting a kiss on the top of Shait's head. “Thank you my friend.” I whisper, “You always know how to ease my aching heart.” Shait does not reply. His arms tighten as he continues humming into my chest. Looking around, each place my eyes land on brings up another memory of my many times here in this room.
*Flashback*
Master Calib walks over to his wardrobe, the wet stain on his shirt spreading downwards. I kept apologizing over and over for knocking over his mug. I had been far too animated in my reenactment of my most recent free battle. I feel more than nervous at what I'd done. Master and I still weren't on the best of terms. I was wild and obstinate, and Master Calib was still young and lost his temper on occasion. He smiles over his shoulder at me, his child like features putting me at ease. “It's alright Lista. I was careless myself for putting it so close to the edge of the table.”
My eyes follow his every move as he slowly strips the soiled garments off. He clicks his tongue when he realizes that his pants are also wet. I can feel my cheeks heating at the sight of Master Calib standing bare before me. His skin is smooth, and white like the snow that comes rarely to the realm I live in. His hair, golden like the rising sun, brushes ever so lightly against the tops of his slim shoulders. A part of me wonders at how one so small, and obviously not used to fighting himself, could have trained me well enough to survive as long as I have.
Unmindful of my watching eyes, Master Calib shifts through several hanging garments before selecting a lush red and silver outfit. My cheeks color all the more as he turns towards me with the clothing in hand, his full glory well within view. 'What's happening? I don't even think him worthy of my respect, why am I reacting like this? He's just a boy, like me...'
*End Flashback*
That was the first time I'd realized just how much Master meant to me, even back then. 'Means to me. Not meant. He's not dead. I will find him!' My mind shouts. My own temper makes me grin. At that time, I had just discovered free battles. Having always been fighting under sponsorship, the rules and arena made it fairly exciting. It was also terrifying knowing there was no rule against killing one's opponent.
I had followed several Han I'd fought against to an open field, where many other Han were gathered. I sunk around, listening. When I overheard that Han could make extra money fighting one another, without their Master's permission, I felt I'd found a fun rebellion against my child Master. I watched several bouts, and finally someone noticed me. I was rushed into the arena, several Han eager to knock me down a peg. Their taunts and disdain kept me fighting all day, my anger piquing around dusk. I made a decent amount of money that day, but I was well aware I had gone too far.
Lifting my arm, I smile sadly at several scars I had acquired that day. To say Master Calib had been upset was an understatement. It was then I'd come to understand how important it was to control my temper. -Deep breaths. Focus within. You let the anger get into you, you'll be open to taking a blade inside you too.- Closing my eyes, I do one of the breathing exercises Master had taught me. When my frayed nerves finally settle, I open them once again and look about the demolished room. 'We need to-'
Before I can finish my thought, I hear a sound outside the door. Taking a tight grip on Shait, I turn, pressing him into the corner. I press a soft kiss to his forehead in apology before taking several steps back from him. Holding a finger to my lips to indicate I want him quiet, I watch him shrink until he's hardly noticeable among the papers and rubble littering the floor. I turn silently, reaching behind to take hold of my weapon. With a small tug it comes out of the sheath, the bottom half swinging down and snapping into place. Slightly taller than I am tall, my sherk has become an extension of myself, so when I move across the room, there is no danger of it touching anything I don't want it to.
When the door slides open, my heart skips, praying it's Master Calib. From my vantage point to the right of the door in a small alcove where Master's desk once stood, I wait for the person to walk to where I can see them. “Oh god...” The hushed voice coming from the doorway isn't Master Calib's. I tighten my grip on my weapon, ready to strike if this is an enemy. I feel myself jump slightly as the intruder rushes into the room. Before I can move to hide myself, the figure spots me. A look of pure hatred transforms the person's face into a mask of rage. “You did this didn't you!? Why can't you backwards thinking fools leave him alone?!”
With a loud bellow, the man charges. Confused by his words, my mind takes a few second to react. With barely an inch to spare, I dodge his sharp right jab. Smaller than him, I slip easily under his left arm, twisting my sherk around to slam the shaft against the attacker's back. The blow sends him stumbling forward into the wall. He turns, and I can tell by his face he's prepared to continue fighting. Lifting my foot, I press it against the corner behind me. Pushing hard, I launch myself forward. I manage to get a hold of his right hand and slam it into the wall with my left. Twisting my wrist, I bring the tip of one scythe to the man's throat. He stills, but the fury behind his eyes still burns bright. He breaths hard through clenched teeth, a fine spray of spittle hissing out with each exhale.
Bringing my own heart rate down, I go over what he'd said over and over again in my mind. 'It sound as if he thinks us the one who've kidnapped Master Calib. If this is so, then I can believe it is not him. And if this upsets him as it upsets me...' I can feel myself fighting between reason and my own feelings of anger and fear. -If you let your emotions guide you around by the nose, you'll end up with a sore nose from bumping blindly into things.- Taking a deep breath, I let reason take over. I let my tense muscles relax and move back from the man. My sherk still near enough to pose a threat to the man with very little effort, I say, “I was not the one to do this here. I understand your rage at the sight of Master Calib's room in such a state, for I feel it too.” With a visible effort, I lower my weapon. “I do not think we are enemies, sir.” My throat feels tight as I finish speaking.
The man's mask cracks, showing eyes filled with confusion and agitation. “You,” He croaks, “You're one of the Small Ones aren't you? From the land beyond the Pahrah.” My heart skips, and I nod. His hand comes up and runs though his hair. “Oh boy. This is....” I feel myself tense as his eyes drop down the my waist. The man steps forward, his silver and gray suit glistening in the light of a broken lamp nearby, his hand outstretched. 'He's reaching for the belt.' Master Calib's command crashes through my mind, causing my hand to snap up and plant one of the ends of my sherk against the man's chest to keep him at a distance. “Ow!” He yelps as the metal of the scythe jabs him harder than I intended.
“You will forgive me, but Master Calib instructed me to guard this with my life. Even if you be friend, I can not allow you to touch it.” My heart races. Standing up to one of the Great Ones, especially it it's not Master, fills me with terror. My resolve remains firm though, for it is Master's will. The look of anger that had sprung up when I had jabbed him turns to one of wonder and understanding at my words.
“I see. Well, if that's what he wanted.” The man smiles sadly at me, giving me the first good look at what he actually looks like. Older than Master by at least ten years, his build is that of a hard worker. Broad chest and shoulders give him a hearty feel. His face is square, but soft around the edges. His dark brown eyes are large and full of emotion. His hair is short, brown, and barely an inch long on top, and even shorter on the sides. His jacket is tight around the waist, unlike most of Master's coats which go all the way to the floor. “You know? You're just like I imagined you.”
The sound of the Man's voice snaps me out of my mindful examination and brings my eyes up to his. My eyes narrow. “How you imagined me? How is you know of me?” Holding his hands up defensively, the man steps sideways to a chair I had turned upright during our earlier search of the room. I feel my heart sink as I realize that it's the same chair Master Calib always sat in when I visited. Sitting down, the man explains.
“Calib has been obsessed since he was little with what he called 'The injustice shown to our fellow sentient being.' That's what he calls our relationship with your people.” I take a step back so I can lean against the nearby wall to listen. 'This may prove useful.' I think as I open my mind to whatever this man, this friend of Master Calib's, can tell me. I have to force my mind to focus as my feelings of worry try to cloud my judgment. The man shifts, leaning forward so his elbows are on his knees, his fingers laced together with his chin resting on top.
“He trained from very young in all sorts of sciences, determined to change things. When he got accepted to Quricom, the most advanced lab in the world, at the age of nine, several very important people took an interest in him. It didn't take long for most to turn away in disgust at his goals, but a few kept a close watch on him. Most were afraid he may actually succeed in his experiments, and I'm sure a few may have even been working against him.” Shaking his head, he dips down so his forehead is now resting on his clasped hands.
“From what I heard, he started an oh holy riot when he was told that in order to work here, he needed to take a fighter. I believe you guys use the word 'Han'?” He looks up at me in question. I nod, urging him to continue. “We get little bios on all the candidates before actually “meeting” them. When he read through them, I was there. He looked so mad, I thought the paper'd burst into flame. But then he was about half way through one, and I saw his face get softer. By the time he'd finished reading it, he look to almost be in tears.” Taking a deep breath, he looks deep into my eyes. “It was yours of course.”
I can feel my heart ready to burst at his words. Master Calib's eyes had found mine in an instant at the choosing ceremony, and had never left me through the whole thing. I always wondered what about me had caught his attention. Now I understand he'd been looking for me all along. I cover my eyes with a hand for several seconds, taking deep breaths before looking back at the man.
He coughs, looking away as he continues. “It was actually funny at first. He never talked to anyone before he became your sponsor. Then, one day, he busts into the bathroom, raging over some sort of fight you two had. I don't think he knew I was there, but when he spotted me, he just redoubled his ranting. It was the first time I'd seen anything but cold detachment in his eyes. Heh, they were on fire.” The man smiles wide, and my mind goes back through all those first fights we'd had. I remember those cold eyes. The man begins speaking again, bringing me out of my reverie.
“That's how we met. I've been helping him on several experiments since then, not that I can do much.” He laughs, “I'm just here for grunt work. Anyway, several times while I was helping him, he'd just start talking about you. Mostly complaining at first, but after a year or two, it all changed. He began relaying your battles. He was so exuberant about it, I thought someone was impersonating the usually stoic kid.” The man glances up at me, a soft smile playing at the corners of his mouth “You really did a number on his personality Lista.” The sound of my name on foreign lips startles me slightly, making my heart race.
The man stands, stretching. “Aahhhh, I don't really know the particulars of what he was working on. I know it's for my safety, but he did show the belt to me once. I recognized the design at once.” Looking around, his hands drop down from over his head. “He never brought anything back to his room, so there's no real reason for us to stay here longer than necessary.” He says, almost to himself it seems. My eyes glance towards the corner I'd left Shait in, my line of sight obscured by the overturned work table. My eyes snap back to the man as he speaks. “Let me help you Lista. I want to save Calib, and I know you do too.” Reaching up, tug my ear in contemplation.
'Is he telling the truth? My head tells me he is not lying, so I suppose he is. Mind over heart as Master says. But, Shait....I'll have to grab him too. Will he mind? He seems kind, but...' Shifting from my left foot to my right, I close my eyes. 'I can't wander this world alone. He's offering to help me, not asking for my help. He is a follower. That will make things easier.' My eyes open, and I see the man staring at the corner where I'd left Shait. My heart skips a beat and I push softly off the wall. Walking past the taunt man, I move towards where the walls meet. I stoop down and Shait comes running out from behind a stack of papers. Taking a deep breath, I take his hand.
The startled yelp from behind me signals exactly when the man realizes something strange is happening. Soon, Shait stands beside me, his face mostly hidden behind red locks and against my arm. I can feel my heart pounding, waiting for some sort of response from the man. To my utter surprise, he laughs. Just a quick bark of one, but it's definitely a laugh. “Well, doesn't that beat all. This must be your right hand man, Shait. Calib told me how you'd always stare daggers at some unknown something or excuse yourself when he showed up to talk to Lista when you were there.” I glance down at Shait and he hides his face fully against my arm. I can see his ears changing colors to match his hair.
Looking back up, I reply, “Yes, this is Shait. If we are to truly work together to rescue Master Calib, you must know that Shait will also be coming with. I will not leave him.” The man nods, still smiling
“Of course. Wouldn't dream of separating you. You're very special to Calib, and he says your smart. I trust you'll know what's best.” I feel Shait's nails dig into my arms when the man says I'm special to Master. Petting his hair, I watch the man walk over to the wardrobe, one of the only bits of furniture still standing. Pawing through the clothes still hanging up, he pulls out two of the red and silver ones. The red shirt and many pocketed pants hang inside the long silver overcoat, which shimmers in the dim light of the room. “Put these on. They should get us past security and out of the building. These are Scientist standard, so you shouldn't stand out too much. That weapon should be hidden well enough under the coat if you hang it low an tight.”
I feel a twinge at the thought of wearing Master Calib's clothes, but I know it's necessary. 'No problem for me but...' I look down at my left arm to find bright blue orbs staring back at me, an obstinate glint in them. After several minutes of staring hard into Shait's eyes, he finally look away with a “Fine...” I press a kiss to his forehead and lead him over to where the man stands patiently holding the clothing. Taking both sets, I lay them across the edge of the overturned table. Shait and I both begin undressing, and I see the man whip around, his ears pink.
“Uh, hem, well...Oh, yeah. My name's Garret by the way Garret Magretsky.” I hear him sigh loudly. “To tell the truth, I was worried something like this might happen. I've heard rumors that higher ups have been in a tizzy about something, and nothing not involving Calib has gotten so much as a cough out of those bastards in over a decade. That's why I came here today.” Doing my best to stay in contact with Shait, dressing takes a bit longer than normal. “I'm actually really glad you're here. I'm not a thinking man, and I admit it with no shame. If you're even half as smart as Calib says you are, you're the only guy on this planet capable of going against the top guys here.”
Looking over my shoulder at the back of Garret's head, I feel confusion nag at the back of my mind. 'Huh?' “Um, please forgive me asking, but why am I the only one? I know there must be more powerful and knowledgeable people in this world. I find your words hard to believe.” His shoulders slump as he lets out a humorless laugh.
“Well, my new friend, you and your page there are the only two people on this whole planet that they can't track. You don't have the ID chip every one of us receives at birth. In truth, only the government is suppose to be able to track them, but I heard the President here has a system for just that purpose. I believe it.” I log away the knowledge about being tracked as I help Shait finish dressing. Just to check, I let go of him momentarily, just long enough to see that the clothing begin shrinking with him.
Grabbing his hand again, I turn to Garret and tell him we've finished. I can feel my skin tingling beneath the light material. I can't tell if it's from the touch of the strange fabric, or from the fact that I'm wearing Master Calib's clothing. Garret gives us a once over and nods. “Good, good. Let me see the back?” I turn and after a few seconds he says, “And good! It's only noticeable if you know what to look for! This is great!” Clapping his hand together, he motions us towards the door. “If we can pull this off, it's just a quick shuttle ride to my house. We can talk more there, maybe come up with something, some plan, to rescue Calib.” A loud growl from Garrets midsection brings the first smile all day to my lips. Laughing away the embarrassment, he adds, “And get a bite to eat I suppose...”
The walls of the hallway are the same color as the walls in Master's room, and seem to be made of the same metal. Several minutes pass in contemplative silence. When someone comes into the hall several meters ahead, I feel Shait stiffen. The woman, dressed much like us, passes without a glance. Several other people pass, a few raising a hand as they walk by, which I return in kind to avoid suspicion. The glowing panels along the walls provide an almost eerie atmosphere. There are no windows, and all the halls look the same. Suddenly, Garret comes to a stop. My own feet cease movement and my eyes lock on the people who had just entered the hall.
Tall, overbuilt, and wearing bright pink one piece outfits, I can feel my heckles rise. They walk up, and they seem to be staring at Garret. When I look hard at their eyes, I feel my stomach drop as I realize that there's something wrong with their eyes. The area inside their sockets look to be filled with stark white buttons with no holes. I can feel Shait digging his fingers in deeper and deeper the closer they get. My own heart is in my throat.
“Hello officers. May I help you?” Garret says in a forced nonchalant voice. The two hulking figures stop less than two feet away.
“Garret Magretsky.” The one on the right says, “You are to be taken in for questioning by the head office. Please come quietly.” Garret's face falls at the icy words. I swear my blood freezes in my veins at just the sound of his voice. Suddenly the one on the left leans over and whispers something into the others' ear. Both sets of “eyes" are now watching me.
“Um, well,” Garret chimes in, “Uh, can I at least walk these guys out? I promised them a drink after work, but if y-” The one on the left cuts off Garret's stream of excuses.
“Where is your ID chip. It is against the law to remove your chip.” The frost in my veins grows even colder, and Shait starts shaking hard against my side. My mind goes blank.
+++++++++++
Ok guys, yet again, another Meta! Will they be captured? Go willingly? Kill the officers? Get sent to a lab for experiments? Will superman crash through the wall and save the day? Have at it my dear readers. Sorry for the wait! *Bows*
In honor of the long wait, this is an exspecialy long chapter...for me at least. Almost 4k words, yay! Enjoy!
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And my first Finished work Death Day
Last edited by PopeAlessandrosXVIII on Tue Jun 28, 2011 12:18 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 8:07 am Post subject: |
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I enjoyed this chapter, Pope! So we have sci-fi meets fantasy here eh? Nice.
Ok then, I say they dispatch the po po but not without a tough fight where the robotic police pull some techno tricks these 'knights' are not at all prepared for, making for an eye opening experience indeed.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 8:09 am Post subject: knight 3 response |
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Ok, first here's the typos I found:
| Quote: | What can't you backwards thinking fools leave him alone
Calib has be obsessed since he was little with what he called
From what I heard, he started an oh holy riot when he was told that in order to work here, he needed to take a fighter.
I can feel my heart ready to burst at his words. Master Calib's eyes had found mine in an instant at the choosing ceremony, and had never left me thought he whole thing. I always wondered what about me had caught his attention. Now I understand he'd been looking for me all along. Cover my eyes with a hand for several seconds, taking deep breaths before looking back at the man.
That will make thing easier
and nothing not involving Calib has gotten so much as a cough out of those bastards in over a decade. That's why I cam here today.”
His shoulders lump as he lets out a humorless laugh.
but I head the President here has a system for just that purpose.
I fell Shait stiffen
Several other people pass, a few raising a hand as the walk by
The two hulking figure stop less than two feet away
Both sets of “eyes are now watching me. |
It's a big chapter, so it's easy to make a lot of mistakes... I just thought you would like to know about them.
Bright pink white eyed muscular officers? Yikes! But since this is another MetaDP, I think we should go kind of crazy with this one.
How about the officers take them away in an aircraft of some kind, but before they arrive at their destination, Lista takes over?
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 10:25 am Post subject: Yay! |
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Thanks for the correction Lebrenth-chan! I fixed all of them except the ones that were Garret talking....That's jsut how he talks. I can't really help it:P Like he said, he's not the sharpest tack in the box. Any other coments on the story?
Oh! And thanks for the fun violent suggestion Thunder-kun. You know how I love my violence!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu May 05, 2011 9:24 pm Post subject: |
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| GAAAAHHH!!! this is FLIPPING AMAZING!! i am SO hooked. i'm not really sure what should happen, ive just enjoyed reading it up to now. i'm liking the idea of them having it out with these guys, alerting the whole place to their presence and having to be all sneaky in order to escape.
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 9:47 am Post subject: Suggestions |
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Oki, any more suggestions? If not, the poll will be up by the end of tomorrow! Have at it!
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Sun May 15, 2011 7:36 am Post subject: Polling |
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Now polling!? Just what will happen next? Oh no!
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Thunderbird
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Smee
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| Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 4:43 am Post subject: |
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Congratulations Pope, a liberal dose of polytechnetiflorbeglui...erm 'sticky' has been applied to your story.
Keep up the good work and,
Happy Writing
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| Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 5:15 am Post subject: Poll |
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We are still polling! NEEEED some tie breaker votes!!!
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| Posted: Sun May 22, 2011 2:54 am Post subject: Poll Results |
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How to escape?!
Dispose of security, sneek out
50% [ 2 ]
Dispose of security, make a grand escape
25% [ 1 ]
Let ourselves be taken away, but highjack the air craft
25% [ 1 ]
Total Votes : 4
Who Voted: Andolyn, Lebrenth, Smee, Thunderbird
Well, the tie broken, I decided to stop polling. New chapter up in a bit! *Sigh*
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| Posted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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This is amazing!! Really enjoyed reading this one. Looking forward to more.....please
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| Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 11:51 pm Post subject: Chapter Four - The First Steps |
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Chapter Four – The First Step
I glance over at Garret and see him panicking. Beads of sweat begin forming on his brow. Looking back to the pink clad men, I feel my fingers twitching towards my back where my weapon lay. When securing it I made sure it would still be accessible, but somehow my insecurities keep my hands at my sides. Shait is trembling even more now, slipping slowly behind me. “You there. You will come with us as well for questioning,” the one on the right says. The chill in his voice is not one I recognize. It is not cruel, it is not anger, but something else. . . I glance once again at the man beside me and this time I meet his eyes. A moment of understanding passes between us and without an instant of hesitation my weapon is in my hand.
Dropping it down, one end of the weapon hits the floor. The sound draws both sets of eyes giving me a chance to pull out the other half. Whipping it down I swing it in an arc from floor to ceiling, catching the one on the left under the chin on it's way by. The one on the right doesn't even spare his companion a glance as he charges me. Pushing Shait backwards with an elbow, I bring the half in my right hand up and with a sickening crack, the second man falls at my feet. Something about the sound and feel of the men's skulls cause me to wonder several things, but at the moment I can't worry about them. I look back to Garret and see his eyes wide, but a smile on his lips. “You really are good Lista. How did you know to go for their heads?” The question sound ludicrous in my mind, but I say nothing. Turning around I look about for Shait. Cowering against a wall he doesn't see me beckon to him at first.
“Shait, it is alright. I have dispatched them.” When his little head looks up from his arms I see such joy an confidence I find myself smiling once again. Holding out a hand, I take his little on in my own and soon he returns to the size I know him best at. After a quick hug I turn back to see Garret pulling one of the men along down the hall. I watch as he presses a hand to a panel on the wall and a doorway opens. Understanding dawning I walk over to the other one and grab one of his hands. Still holding on to my free hand, Shait grabs the man's other side and helps me drag him towards the open door. With little fuss the tree of us have the mess cleaned up in short order.
“Well,” Garret says, “Seems they are looking for me, so my house is out of the picture, but I know a few places we can hide out for now. But first, we need to get out of here.” With a nod to acknowledge this fact I sheath my weapon once again and signal for him to lead the way. With a jerk of his head, he starts off down the hall once again. 'Master Calib I miss you. Without you everything feels uncertain. I hesitated when I should have just attacked. You tell this man of how much confidence you have in me, yet I feel none of it myself. How will I save you with such pathetic resolve?' Shait keeps a firm hold on one of my fingers, doing his best to hide the fact. We see a few more people along the way, but none even seem to realize we exist. When we come to a curved metal door, Garret presses a button on a panel beside it. After several seconds waiting, the door opens. Beyond there is a small room, and I look at the man with a quizzical expression. “Its a way to go up and down floors in little time. Trust me?” His voice is low and desperate. I can still her the tension from earlier playing hard on his nerves. Without a word I enter the small space. Shait clings to me as Garret enters and the door slides shut once more.
Nails dig into my arm and my own stomach drops at the following sensation. 'It is like falling, but I see no movement. He did say it is a way to up and down floors. Perhaps we are going down?' Seconds later we arrive at what I assume is a lower level. The doors open and I swallow hard. People are moving to and fro in a large high ceiling room. A large circular table seems to be in the center of the room with people standing inside the circle. Many devices and wires hang about the area, as well as along the walls and beams above. A tug at my elbow brings my gaze back to my immediate area, and my thoughts back to reality. Garret gives another tug and begins walking towards what I can only assume is the outside. The entire outer wall and ceiling seem to be made of glass. Above I see strange objects fly over. Some hanging from cable, others flying free, but each new and strange to me. 'This is Master Calib's world' When we reach the glass doors, Garret opens one and motions Shait and I onwards. Stepping out into the cool air, I have little time to take in all the wondrous things I see before Garret is once more pulling us along.
Descending what look to be gray stone steps, I see several large objects moving along a dark colored pathway ahead of us. Garret stops at the edge of the path and looks from side-to-side, as if looking for something. “Come one, there is one every five minutes. . . .” He hisses out, bouncing on the balls of his feet.
I feel Shait shiver and without looking pull him around so I can hold him close. Rubbing his shoulders, my eyes begin scanning the area. 'While everything seems different at first glance, there are some things I recognize. That is a place selling foods. And that there seems to have clothing. There are people in these things going by, so they must be transportation. Like carriages' My observations are cut short as a rather large object stops before us, blocking out view. My nerves already fraying at the events of the day, I find myself retreating from it in slow jerky steps. Garret smiles and puts an arm around my shoulders.
“It alright Lista. This is a Scoour. It's the shuttle that's going to take us where we're going, okay? Just step inside before the driver starts asking questions?” There is an urgency behind his voice that drives my feet forward. The Scoour as he called it seems fairly empty, only a few other passengers seated along the sides in what seem to be built in benches running along the entire interior. Motioning us into a seat, Garret takes one between us and the nearest occupant. Shait sits stiffly against my side. I feel his head move after a time so I looks down at him. His eyes seem to be locked on something above us. I stare for a few seconds as lights dance across his eyes. Finally turning to see what it is causing such lights, I feel myself filling with wonder at what my eyes behold. Like a rainbow trapped beneath glace, the tube running along the ceiling form one end to the other of the Scoour is filled with dazzling lights of every color. 'It is so beautiful! I did not know one could trap lights like this. But how? What are these colors doing here?' After a time, Garret notices Shait and I gawking at the light show above and chuckles. My eyes fall down to him, and he leans in close so that the others can not hear.
“That up there is what makes the Scoour move. I'm no expert, but stuff like this is simple. You can't see it but there is a cable running through the tube, the cable runs all over town held up by towers. The lights in the tube are actually not lights, but a small amount of mahou. The mahou was put there when the Scoour was made, and regenerates itself in a device near the back of the Scoour. The mahou itself came from one of this worlds Magicicst, those who can manipulate mahou.” My mind whirls with all these new terms and information, and I find myself barley understanding half of what he's saying. Despite my confusion, I know I must learn of such things if am to ever save Master Calib. 'If he is no expert and knows such things, it must be common knowledge. These are things that could give me away as not from here. I must stay strong, and learn' Suddenly the Scoour slows and Garret stands. Shait and I follow suit and within moments the shuttle comes to a stop. I stumble lightly as Shait losses his footing, but before we draw too much attention, I follow Garret outside once again, half dragging the redhead behind me.
I turn to watch the Scoour leave, following the cable with my eyes. I can feel them growing wide the the shuttle goes almost vertical and climbs several yards up before leveling out once again. “Does that mean all the people inside slid to the back?” Shait asks in a small voice. I shrug and shake my head.
“I don't know, but I don't think so.” Following the cable back from the direction we came I point at another equally steep incline. “There must be something that keeps the ones inside from feeling the change.” I feel Shait nod against my arm, and a laugh from behind causes me to jump slightly.
Turning around, I see Garret smiling. “You are absolutly right. I can explain more later, but right now, we need to get somewhere private.” Pointing at a large gray building behind him with a thumb he adds, “And this should be just the place. For now at least.” He waves a hand at us and without a word, we follow him towards the ominous metallic structure. 'So much metal, I have not seen a single plant since we arrived. Where is the grass?' Through a set of glass sliding doors we find ourselves in another large room with a strange table in it. This one is only half a circle and against wall, but the people behind it have the same look as those from the other one. Garret speaks with one of the people behind the wooden looking surface and after a few moments, the person hands him something. 'The table looks a lot like a counter at a shop, but so much smoother.' Smiling at us, Garret motions us to follow. After another short trip in a small room, we exit on to a higher floor. Looking out of the windows lining the wall, a small portion of the city lay spread out below. Lights and shiny metal twinkle in the mid evening light. Making the ground look as it is made out of fire bugs. Many more objects like the one we rode in flash by both below and above, in a seemingly never ending cycle of motion and color. But even at this height, there is not a plant or tree is sight.
A low hissing noise causes my head to whip around in time to see Garret stepping through a doorway. Picking up my pace I step in behind the large man. The room looks like a small house. A table with chairs around it, what looks like a kitchen area, and three beds laid out along the right hand wall. Garret opens a small door on our left, revealing a small room with odd objects inside. “Good, a decent bathroom at least.” The man mutters before sliding his shoes off and walking into the room proper. Looking down I see some sort of fur covering the entire floor save for the kitchen area. Sliding out of our own foot covering, Shait and I wander the room, examining the chairs and beds. 'Such smooth wood. I did not know wood could be so smooth ans almost slippery.' Looking over to Garret, see him rummaging through the kitchen area. Deciding to wait for the man to finish what he's doing, I draw Shait over to one of the beds and take a seat.
“How are you doing?” I whisper quietly. I know how much the redhead doesn't want to be here, but as I look up into his eyes, I can see his defiance I love so much flashing in the back of his gaze.
Shuffling on to the bed next to me so that he's sitting with both legs bent on the bed and his torso leaning against me he replies, “I am fine Lista.” He murmurs. I feel his hand slide up my back and smile as thin fingers tangle themselves in my hair. We sit quietly for some time, the only noises in the room coming from the man in the kitchen. Shait begins humming, and the sound causes my eyes to fall shut. The old tune is soothing as always, and Shait's fingers calm my agitated nerves. After a while, my eyes slowly open. The smell of something cooking brings me to attention. With a sigh, I pull Shait to his feet along with me and we make our way over to the table. Taking a seat, in no time, there are steaming bowls of something or another placed before us.
“It's not much, and I'm not sure on the taste, but it's edible, and will fill you up!” Garret says, a note of worry in his voice. Placing my foot over Shait's I release his hand. He looks at me for a moment, startled, but when he realizes he's not shrinking, he smiles and digs in. Raising my own utensil, I scoop up a portion of the liquid and what appear to be vegetables and take a bite. Garret stand there nervously waiting for something, so I smile at time.
“It is good. I thank you for the meal.” Garret smiles back and quickly heads back into the kitchen. Coming out with another bowl, he sits down and begins eating. I sit there in silence, trying to figure out what to do next. Shait's foot, smooth and cool beneath my own, twitches once in a while, betraying his own internal conflicts. 'I must learn more if I am to have any chance to rescue Master Calib. But what do I need to know? Does Garret have the information I need, or should I seek it on my own? Maybe if Garret can get me to where Master is I can just break him out. . . . But, I just, I don't KNOW!' Lowering my utensil, I place it beside my bowl. Bringing my hands up, I rest my head on them. Palms on my forehead, elbows on the table, my overworked mind screams at me, while my heart calls out for action.
++++++++
Well now, what to do? What's the plan guys? How do I begin this monumental task of rescuing Master Calib? Where do I go? Who do I talk to, what am I to do!?!?!?! Oh, and if you like you can put up a list of questions you'd like answered, so I have an idea of where I'm lacking in my descriptions and can answer them in the next chapter! Long time coming, sorry for the delay!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2011 12:55 am Post subject: |
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| i am SOOOOO happy to see this one up and running again!! ((and i'll read this fabulous new chappie as soon as i'm not at work for my 12 hour shift. XD))
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2011 9:24 am Post subject: |
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Good stuff, Pope. I have often wondered what a modern setting would look like to a relatively primitive person and I think your portrayal was nicely done. I'm a little surprised Lista and Shait haven't gotten more attention for how strangely they act and look, but city people are like that sometimes. They don't seem to notice anything less than a gun.
The descriptions of the city are interesting and immersive, though I had to make some adjustments in my head when Lista mentioned there were absolutely no plants. I had to pave over all of the open spaces with cement, since I didn't really get the feeling of being very crowded by the buildings. By the way, you have a number of typos to take care of (tree instead of three, barley instead of barely are two I noticed).
This safe place, whatever it is, should be a good place for planning. I would say this is where Garrett lays it all out. He explains what happens to people who step out of line, probably being sent to a specific prison. We'll need to check the place out, which shouldn't be too hard if Lista can learn how to shrink and grow with the belt so he can hide easily and get into small places such as vents and between bars.
So a miniaturized reconnaissance of the prison where Calib is held is my DP suggestion.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2011 9:01 pm Post subject: |
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i like Leb's plan...chill out, talk, plan, and then launch a spy mission.
good stuff as usual, Pope!
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Thunderbird
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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Yep, caught up aaand... nice chapter P! Much enjoyed and loved the way it was delivered that these officers were either robotic or cybernetic. We've gone from fantasy to sci-fi - love that. And well delivered descripts too.
He needs to learn as much as he can about everything. Spend time getting to understand the ins and outs of this world, why and where our Calib is being held.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 5:59 pm Post subject: Well........ |
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Well, I can work out two options from what has been suggested thus far. Any more ideas? I'll be putting up the poll soon, so hopefully we can get a few more ideas before then! Have at it! Remember, I'm open to anything. If you want the cops to find them right away, Garret's wife/irlfriend to show up, a purple fuzwen to show up and tapdance, I'm up for anything!
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| Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 12:21 am Post subject: *Poke* |
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*Poke* *Poke* Last night for ideas!
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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I don't feel I'd mind in this case if you added some of your own concepts to the poll, P... I get the impression you feel there's some more suggestions yet to be made that you can think of. And I can see how there may well be...
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 11:55 am Post subject: Polling |
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We are now polling here *Shifty eyes*
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| Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 3:26 am Post subject: Poll Results |
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What to learn, where, and how?
Shrink down and sneak into Master Calib's prison on a scouting mission
0% [ 0 ]
Sit down and have a long talk with the new partner and learn as much as they can
100% [ 1 ]
Total Votes : 1
Who Voted: Thunderbird
Well, with one vote, I have a direction to go! I'll get on this A.S.A.P. !!!
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| Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 4:18 am Post subject: Umns. . . . |
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I hate to do this to you guys, but as I write this chapter, I seem to be having a hard time comming up with questions for our Hero to ask. So, if there are any YOU guys can think of, feel free to submit them here. I'll leave this up today to see if I get any responses, if not, Lista may miss something you guy want to know
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| Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 5:20 am Post subject: Chapter Five - Information |
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Chapter Five – Information
Picking up my utensil once again, I quickly down the rest of my meal. Shait looks over at me, a worried glint in his eyes. Garret too keeps his eye on me, looking a bit nervous. 'Information, that is what I need here. But tonight, tonight would be too much. I need time to think about what has happened thus far' As soon as I finish, I glance up at Garret. Doing my best to keep the stress out of my voice, I say, “Right now, I would like some time to think. If it would not be too much to ask, I would like to sleep tonight, and tomorrow we can begin working on the plan to rescue Master Calib.” Slipping a hand up to my ear, I give it a tug before adding, “There is much I will need to know before we even give a thought to the actual rescue though. So much. . . .” My voice trails off and I feel Shait's cool hand grip my arm in reassurance.
Garret nods enthusiastically. “Yes, I agree. With all the stress from today, and I'm sure that the Quricom executives are still in a uproar. Yeah, enough for one day. I think sleep is in order!” Shait's hand slips off my arm and curls protectively around his bowel as Garret stands and grabs his bowl while reaching for mine. The small redhead lets out a feral growl as the man moves to grab his bowl causing Garret to yank his hand back. A light smile curls the corners of my lips as a run a hand through Shait's hair. “Please forgive him.” I murmur, looking up at Garret. “He has never quite gotten over the need to protect his food from being stolen. Where I found him, if you didn't protect your food, you didn't eat.” Shait hangs his head slightly, and I watch as he tries hard not to bolt down the rest of his meal. Garret gives me a sad smile and nods. My heart flutters a little. 'So, Master Calib trusts him enough to tell him not only of me, but of Shait' My eyes follow the man as he goes to the kitchen area, putting the dishes on a counter. 'Yes, it was good to trust him'
Shait sets down his spoon and lets out a big yawn. Taking his hand we rise and together walk over to the bed on the right. Sitting him down on the edge I quickly brush my thumb over his fingers before moving off towards the table. After transferring Shait's dishes to the kitchen, I return to his side. Practically jumping off the edge, he grabs tight to my finger and returns to his full size. Without a word, I slip off my outer wear as well as my sheath, and Shait follows suit. Out of the corner of my eye I see Garret glancing over at us nervously. Before I can give the looks much though, Shait tackles me to the bed, curling up against my chest. A full smile blooms on my lips as a spark of his playful nature shows itself. 'I'm glad he's feeling a bit better. It will make things easier' With a deep sigh, I feel his heartbeat slow, and within seconds, he's asleep atop me. Gazing past the mass of red hair, I give Garret one last look, before I too let myself leave this world behind.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
With a start, I wake up covered in sweat. My hands fly to my face, and I pant hard, pressing the palms to my eyes. I can feel my breath catch in my throat as the last remnants of my dream slowly fade from my waking mind. 'Master Calib, you looked so frightened. . . .' Taking deep breaths, I try to calm my raging insides. My skin jumps as a cool hand runs down the side of my face. With a slow hissing exhale, I drop my arms down to encircle the body laying on top of me. Shait wriggles, moving up so he can bury his face in my neck. My eyes wander about the room, slowly taking in all the details. Turning my head to the right, I spot a tuft of brown hair protruding from the top of thin blankets. 'All are really the same when sleeping. No matter the world, sleeping is sleeping. . . .' I have to grin as I slowly sit up, Shait squeaking in protest. My eyes narrow as light from the small window strikes my face. Glancing over, I notice that the light is sunrise. 'It somehow seems colder then the sun from our world' The light coming through the window is more blue and gray then the yellow and red I am use to in a sunrise. Stretching I notice my body isn't as sore as usual after waking. 'No complaints about that I must say' The nights rest seems to have settled my mind, and as I feel the energy filling my body, Master Calib's rescue seems much closer then ever before.
Shait begins dancing slightly on the spot, his legs drawn together. I realize that I too have to evacuate my lower half, and I look over at the sleeping man. My mind sways back and forth between waking him and letting him sleep. Finally I tighten my grip on Shait's hand and pull him towards the small room by the door. 'It's the only separate room, and I suppose we are alike enough to wish to urinate in peace' Pushing into the room, I look about at all the shiny metal surfaces. Without hesitation, Shait moves over to a silver bowel around knee high with water in it. While he does his business, I examine the large silver tub with colored panels along the wall. Poking one of them,my body jerks backwards as water begins pouring into the basin from a hole near the panels. I follow the steam rising from the surface to some strange humming holes in the ceiling where it vanishes. Dropping my gaze back down, I reach for the water pouring out of the wall. A light touch lets me know it's far too hot. Puffing my cheeks out, I push a few of the other panels. One causes suds to come out of the hole along with the water, another fills the room with a sweet scent. Finally, I smile as the water coming from the wall cools.
A tug at my arm lets me know Shait is finished. Switching places, I watch as Shait plays with the water in the tub. 'His hair is a mess, but no wonder with all that's happened. His hair is a mess after only one night sleep, and he's slept twice without dealing with the knots' When I finish, I shuck off the rest of my cloths and step into the now hot but not burning water, sliding down until I'm up to my chest in water. Shait giggles and squirms out of his pants and crawls into my lap. Just as I begin to worry that the water will over flow, it's stops flowing from the wall. I let the water do it's magic, relieving the rest of the stress from my body. Shait play with the strangely smooth feeling water, splashing slightly, causing it to lap gently against my arms and chest. “Shait?” My voice sounds hollow in the metallic room.
With a “Hmmm?” he leans back against my chest, still playing with the water. I stay silent for a time, trying to come up with the right thing to say. Eventually he settle down, turning slightly to lay his cheek on my shoulder. Absentmindedly I reach up and begin stroking his hair.
Glancing over at the belt, currently looped over my right arm hanging over the edge of the tub, my heart wrenches. “Shait, what am I doing here? He told me to keep it safe, and here I run head long into a trouble that I have no idea how to deal with, in a world I know nothing of. . . .” The red head shifts against me and I can feel his jaw clenching.
After a long silence, his response comes. Voice barely above a whisper, I can hardly hear it over the sound of my own aching heartbeat. “You are here because someone dear to you is in trouble. C-Calib is the most precious thing to you in any world, so there is no fault in trying to help him.” The shudder in Shait's voice tugs at me, causing me to turn my head away from him. “It is one of the things about you that makes me. . . . . .Care about you so much. . . . .” My eyes comeback to Shait as he hesitates. I can not help but draw him closer, trying desperately to comfort him.
Despite the pain in his voice, Shait's words strike home and I feel a rush pulse through me. 'Yes, Master Calib is precious to me. There is no way I could ever leave him in harms way' Pressing a kiss tot he top of Shait's head I murmur “Thank you, dear one.” A shuddering nod is my only response. The room is silent for several minutes before my attention is drawn to the room beyond. My muscles tighten at the thought of someone moving around out there, but a deep yawn punctuated by a cough makes me relax. 'Garret must be awake. Perhaps Shait and I sho-' My eyes widen slightly as the man in question stumbles into the room, a hand over his eyes. I feel Shait shift quietly to stare as Garret walks over to the basin. My eyes roll up and Shait shivers with silent giggles at the sound of liquid pouring into the basin. Suddenly, Garret's body tenses, the sound ceasing. I fight hard to keep a smile off my face as I look over toward the back of the man's head. Shait lets a small giggle escape and I lose my battle with the smile as Garret's whole body seems to turn red.
With a choked cough, the brunette glances over his shoulder at us before his eyes snap back forward. “Ah, um, er, M-Morning! G-Good morning Lista, Sh-Shait! D-Didn't see you there!”
Unable to control myself I reply, “Obviously. Care to join us?” Shait turns to bite down on my shoulder, stifling his giggles as Garret sputters out a string of general negatives and flies out of the room, running into the doorway on his way out. Shait finally erupts in laughter, and I join in with a quick laugh before standing, pulling the giggling red head up with me. Holding him tightly, I look around the room for a drying cloth. Spotting one near the foot of the tub, I step out, careful to avoid our clothing on the floor, I snatch up the black fabric. After drying off and slipping back into our borrowed pants, I re-situate the belt where it goes around my waist and walk back into the big room. Shait, still suffering from giggles, clings to my arm. The second he spots Garret leaning near the window he falls silent and does his best to hide behind me. Still red in the cheeks, Garret coughs and glances around the room.
“So, um, I see you figured out how to work the bathroom stuff. . . . Good job.” Garret gives me an honestly approving look, my own mirth dies down and I nod back solemnly. With another cough, he pushes off the wall and heads into the kitchen. Shait and I glance at one another before settling down at the table to wait. My mind wanders and when the plate is placed in front of me, I can feel my body tense for a second. Giving Garret a vague smile, I begin eating without really tasting the food. 'So much I need to know, but what do I need to know “Now”. . . .' Shait bumps my arm and my eyes snap into focus. Glancing up at Garret who is staring at me intently I realize he most likely asked me something.
“Forgive me, I did not hear you. What did you say?” Shait giggles and Garret smiles.
“Well, I was just wondering what you think of the meal, seeing as you've been staring at the same bite for about five minutes now.” His voice is kind but with a barely hidden laugh under it. The sound draws a small smile to my lips.
Finally eating the now cold bite that had been hovering before me for a time, I swallow quickly and decide it is time to get down to business. “Garret?” He looks over at me from across his plate, a smile still on his lips, an eyebrow raising in question. “There is so much I need to know, but for now, what can you tell me about this world that will help with blending in? If I am to do anything here, I must be able to move freely, and without suspicion.” Garret swallows a bite of food, the smile vanishing.
Taking a deep breath, he holds it a few seconds before letting it out in a huff. Pushing his plate away from himself, Garret props his head on his hand, elbows on the table. “There is a lot I could tell you to try and help you fit in, but I guess a quick history lesson will be of the most help for now.” Looking absentmindedly at something past my head, he seems to get lost in thought.
'Master Calib and I would talk for hours, but somehow we never spoke of this world. . . .I pray that was not a fatal mistake' When his eyes finally come back to me, I feel Shait move closer to me, wrapping both hands around my left arm.
“A long time ago, I don't remember the exact count of years, a disease came to life on our world.” His voice is low, steady, almost hollow in his recollection. “This disease, this sickness, did not affect us, but it was a sickness to all things growing on the planet. Trees, flowers, grasses, algae, everything like that. . . .And it spread so far before we caught on, we were nearly wiped out.” He shakes his head, sighing once again. “When we finally caught on, a group of Magitechs and Magiharpers, ones who could manipulate the magics in nature, began gathering plants together and destroying the disease. In order to protect the remaining flora and fauna, large greenhouses were built. They provide all of our grown food, fodder for out animal farms, and most important, the oxygen we need to breath.” I can not help but tilt my head at the last part, but I say nothing waiting for Garret to go on.
“After they were establish, a whole bunch of different groups began sprouting up, each one wanting control over one, some, or all of these greenhouses. The thing is, when they were built the people who made them decided that they would never bend to the will of anyone, and would rule themselves. They were determined to keep food and air, free. The disputes started getting violent, and the technology became more and more advanced. . . . .Better at killing.” Dropping one arm to the table, Garret leans a little to the side, a look of disgust on his face. “We even began making robots and androids to fight for us. Eventually, one scientist was experimenting with teleportation, and discovered your world.” I feel Shait head lift off my arm where it had been resting for some time. My own head raises a bit higher, more then a little curious about how our two world's connection came to be.
“At first, he just looked in. The history books say it was a savage time in your world, and the bloodshed was a terrible thing to see. He decided to try and shock the sides out of fighting by broadcasting. . . .Showing a large amount of people all at once, the bloodshed of your world. You see, the people in the groups had become so detached from the actual killing, that people being taken out had simply become numbers on a scoreboard.” Garret smirks, sitting up strait. “It worked. The sight of you all killing one another, the blood and violence of your brutal combat shocked us into ceasing the killing over here.” He reaches up, scratching his nose with a sheepish smile. “Sorry for putting it like that. I know it's not you specificity and all.” I wave off his concern, intent on hearing more of this tale. With a nod, he continues, still looking a little embarrassed. “I, um, don't. . . Well let's just say when we learned about what exactly happened next, I kinda slept through it. The gist of it is each group stopped fighting, and instead began focusing on your world. As your people slowly began to grow use to us, that's when a small group of leaders came up with a solution to the power struggles.”
Looking left, Garret's eyes fixate on a spot on the floor. “See, rather then trying to run the greenhouses as a sign of power, they decided on the sponsorship thing we have now. It was really rough at first, but eventually it smoothed out. That's how Master and. . . .Han came to be. We took our fight, and threw it on to your backs. . . .” The shame of his words etches deep line across his normally youthful features, giving him the look of an old troubled man. I can feel Shait trembling on my arm, and his anger is not lost on me. I too feel a rush of molten fury, but only for a second.
Before I can think, I can hear myself say in a low whisper, “Despite this great unfairness, I am glad for it.” Shait's fingers clamp down to the point of cutting into my skin before I feel him nod against my arm, relaxing his grip.
“Without this cruelty, I would still be. . . .” His voice is thick and haunted. Reaching up a give his small hand a squeeze. Garret looks over at us. Our eye lock for a moment before we both nod, and a sad understanding passes between us.
'He too would never have know Master Calib had they not been forced to work together at. . . .that place.' Looking past his head, I watch as several of those transports pass by the window, my hand stroking slowly through Shait's hair.
With a cough, Garret opens his mouth to continue when suddenly a knock comes from behind me. In an instant Shait and I are across the room, my free hand pulling my weapon from it's sheath. Garret, a little slower, springs to his feet, moving to the middle of the room. I look to him, my brow raised in question. He returns the look with a shake of his head and a shrug, a confused frown creasing his forehead. Shait trembles against my arm and I push him back on to the bed, pressing a kiss to his forehead before letting him go. With two clicks, my weapon in assembled and I stand facing the door, ready for whatever is about to come through it. 'Master Calib protect me' My mind murmurs, his face flashing before my eyes.
++++++++++++
Well, sorry it took so long, but here it is! What is it I wonder. Who, or what, is at the door? Police? Room service? Garret's wife/girlfriend? Gumby?! Who do you think it is?
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 5:01 pm Post subject: Post |
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So, anyone? And suggestions? Who's behind the door? Bugs Bunny? The Authorities? I Killbot? What!?
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:42 am Post subject: Suggestions |
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*Bump* It's all I can think to do right now. . . . . . .
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2012 6:07 pm Post subject: |
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Hi Pope, this is an interesting SG! It's taking time for me to get used to the 100% meta-DP, but I think I'm getting it now.
Let's have a mysterious player in the plot. I say, no one will be behind the door. Instead, a package was left on the ground, with some information that can be used to help Lista rescue Calib.
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| Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 10:52 pm Post subject: Yay |
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Yays! ONE suggestion! Now if I can get just one more, we can have a POLL! WHOO!
Thanks for taking a look at this Sagi-san. I really like this one and want to continue. . . . .
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| Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2012 6:34 pm Post subject: Oi |
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*Poke* *Poke*
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Seraphi
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| Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 8:32 am Post subject: Re: Chapter Five - Information |
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I have to admit that when I first started reading, I wasn't sure where this story was going to go...but it started to grow on me and now I want more!
You have very good detail, and I like how we're discovering this new world with Lista in degrees (instead of having knowledge thrown at us pell mell and having to deal with that confusion).
Sagittaeri has a great idea for the DP - this could give us insight to a new character/ally, the world in which this takes place and the location of Master Calib.
For the sake of a poll (if you would like, and if this idea makes any sense at all), the door could also open on a robot, but instead of a hostile one it could somehow be one that has been reprogrammed/overrode by Master Calib for a short time. He seems like a smart kid, but what he can do, I'm sure, is greatly limited by where he is being held (I'm not sure if he can be sneaky and hijack a bot or not). Plus, I'm as familiar with the cybertronic tech as Lista, so it might just not be possible period.
Anyway, sorry to ramble. Keep up the awesome work!
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| Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 7:53 am Post subject: |
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Yay! Another response I think instead of polling I'll just use both suggestions. I wanna get working on this soon, so Yays! Thanks for reading Seraphi! *Runs off to get to work*
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 3:52 pm Post subject: |
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I've just read through this for the first time, Pope, and I very much enjoyed it! I saw a few typos throughout, and when I have the time, I'll go over the whole thing and mark them out. But all in all, a very intriguing tale and very different from anything that we have on the site right now. Very well done!
For the dp, I actually really like Sagi's suggestion. I'm not too keen on deciding when characters come into a story, unless it's my own, and a mysterious package seems like something that could make for an intriguing chapter six with pretty much endless options given the happenings in the tale so far.
Much enjoyed, Pope! Keep up the good work!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
 
 
  
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| Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 12:58 am Post subject: Chapter 6 - Assistance |
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Chapter Six - Assistance
When no attack is forth coming Garret moves slowly towards the door. Raising his voice a little he calls through the door, “Hello? Who is it?” There is no answer. My muscles are still tight and after several long moments I realize I'm holding my breath. Relaxing ever so slightly I let myself breath, taking slow steadying breaths. Still no answer. At last Garret moves to the door and unlocks it. I tense again as he pulls it open slowly. At first just a little bit, peeking through the crack. I watch his head swivel around a few times before opening the door a little wider. Shait shifts on the bed behind me and I glance back to see him walking across the covers to my left, trying to see past me to the door. Finally Garret steps out into the hall and looks from side to side.
Turning back to me he shrugs. “Wrong room maybe?” My suspicions flare but I nod back at him. As he turns fully back towards the room I hear a soft noise at his feet. Looking down I hold out my weapon, motioning him not to move. He freezes, following my gaze to his feet. There between his bare toes is a small red parcel. I relax as he bends down to pick it up. Shait calls for me. Turning I sheath my weapon and hold a hand out to him. In a few moments he is full size once again and the three of us move almost as one towards the table, our eyes locked on the bright red object. The tall man places it on the table and we all sit down around it. Shait holds tight to my left arm, his eyes showing more curiosity now then fear as he gazes at the object. I give Garret a questioning glance. He shrugs. “No idea.” he murmurs. About the size of a grown man's head, the box sits innocently on the table. Slowly I reach out, but just as my fingers are about to make contact with it, the thing moves. We all move back, Garret almost falling out of his chair. Tilting back on two legs it lets out a loud creek before clunking all four legs back on the floor.
I watch with baited breath as slowly the top portion of the box rises up, odd noises coming from inside. I lean away in case it's dangerous, my heart rate picking up again. The top falls away and once again I am filled with amazement. Of all the marvels I'd seen after arriving in this world, by far this one seems to me the most astounding. Standing in the box is what looks like a small person, but with blue skin, and pointed ears like the Edan of my world. Shait gasps as it turns around to look at us all. My eyes narrow to it's elbows and I realize it isn't what it seems. “Garret. . . .This thing, it is not alive, is it?” In my mind I envision my Master's room. The hours I spent there, observing everything, I recall how some of the things he used seemed to move on their own. I had been frightened at first, but then Master Calib had taken me into his hand and told me all about the “Machines” he used to do his work. The small thing's elbows, they looked like metal, and had joints like the machines.
“You're right, it's not alive,” Garret replies sounding calm, and a little happy. “It's a mereiha. We just call them Murrys. They're little machines made either for specific tasks like delivering things, or just for fun.” Garret is smiling now.
I furrow my brows in confusion. “And this, is a good thing?” I inquire.
Garret seems to snap out of a trance. Looking up at me his smile settling the last of the tension in my body. “Yes, yes this is a good thing. You see, Calib likes working on these things. He doesn’t collect them like some, but when he had nothing else to do in the lab but had to finish his shift, he'd work on building these.” Pointing at the small blue Murry in the box he lets out a short laugh. “I recognize this one! Calib was working on it all this week! He must have sent it!” At Master Calib's name the Murry turns towards Garret and tries to get out of the box. After bumping the sides with it's legs once it leans back and two legs come over the edge of the container. Shait scoots in closer to me, his eyes wide with wonder as he stares at it moving about.
After it climbs out Garret removes the box from the table, looking inside. “No note. . . .” Looking at the machine itself he chuckles as it tries to climb his chest. My eyes widen once again as I see it fully. From the waist up looks a lot like us with arms chest head and hair, but from there down it seems to be sitting on four many jointed insect shaped legs. Garret pats it gently, directing it back to the table. It looks at him sideways before moving over to the center of the table, looking somehow dejected. Shait reaches forward, wriggling his fingers like one would to do entice a small animal to come to you. Spotting the movement it turns. A warm smile spreads across my face as it skitters over to Shait, much to his delight.
Shait had always wanted a pet. I remember many times we would be riding along to one of my duels and he would be transfixed by a group of children playing with the family triffle or feeding the local stray. He would sigh longingly and I would swear to myself that as soon as I could afford it, I would get him a pet. Something that could travel with us. “It's so soft. . . .” He murmurs, stroking down it's back. The Murry coos and both Garret and Shait giggle. Slowly it looks over at me, seeming to scrutinize me. I stare back. Turning so it can sit with it's back to Shait's chest it settles down.
Garret opens his mouth to say something, but the Murry interrupts him. Slightly shocked I almost miss what it says. “Mister Calib is in trouble. I wanna help.” Garret looks taken aback so it continues. “I work now. Mister Calib said I could help. Said to find his work friend. Find Garret.”
“Well, you found me!” Garret grins, getting over his surprise.
It nods, then turns to me. “Mister Calib said I might find you too.” My chest tightens, a new twinge of shame wrapping around my heart. With a deep breath I dismiss it, believing I had done the right thing by coming. “Mister Calib is in trouble. I can help.”
Garret reaches out and picks up the Murry. The small hooked black claws at the end of it's feet wiggle around as it tries to walk in the air for a few seconds before settling. When the man turns it on it's side, it begins kicking again. “Just a second, I'm trying to see. . . .Yes! He did give you a name it's R-”
The little machine kicks hard, cutting Garret short as one of it's claws catches his hand causing him to drop it. It scuttles back over to Shait while Garret nurses the small scratch on his hand. “Rex. My name is Rex.” it says a little reproachfully, clearly upset about the rough treatment.
Garret looks at Rex in bewilderment. I can't help but chuckle at the dumbfound look on his face. Looking over at me he flushes slightly. “Well, it's just. ...” He waves his hand towards Rex, now settled down in Shait's arm. “Calib must have put a lot of work into that then I saw. Normally Murrys are really simple. They normally don't have. . . . .Well, personalities!” I look down at the small blue machine.
I smile. 'It is just like Master Calib to build something like this. So life-like. So adorable' I reach out and stroke my finger down it's shoulder length hair, several shades darker blue then it's “skin”. Letting out a coo it leans into the touch. Shait smiles wider at the sight. “Perhaps Master Calib knew that no matter what, I would come here. I would come to rescue him, and he wanted Rex here to be something I could relate to. . .”
Garret's expression softens at my assessment. He smiles softly and nods in agreement. “Maybe. I can see him doing that.” Standing he begins clearing the dishes from the table. Rex settles back against Shait's chest and Shait crosses his arms on the table in front of it's feet. The two look so good together I find myself just smiling, a warm feeling settling in my chest. Rex turns back to me, his face very lifelike and I find myself simply setting aside the fact that he's not alive. “I have an inventory of places Master Calib thought he may be imprisoned.” My mind snaps back to reality. Shait too stiffens slightly. “Master Calib gave me schematics of several of the facilities.” Garret returns to the table, drying his hands on a cloth.
He nods, “Well, that should make things easier.” Garret lets out a sigh. Turning his chair around he sits on it backwards before continuing. “With the schematics we may be able to find some loop holes in security. And with Rex we could even do some recon.” He waves a hand dismissively towards the door. “Of course with all the 'unruly factions' making such a fuss lately security in all major buildings has redoubled.” My head tilts in confusion at the words unruly factions but I remain silent. “I mean, I agree with what they're trying to achieve for the most part, but they're not doing anyone any good with all their underhanded actions.” He pauses, looking from Shait to me and back again. Glancing at Shait I see my own confusion reflected in his face.
Coughing slightly Garret flushes. “But those are just some local politics not pertinent to current events. . . .” He pauses again. “Well, actually I guess they kinda do. I mean, several of the factions believe that the fights have to stop altogether. It's actually kinda nice knowing there are people out there like Calib and I who are trying more actively to stop the fights. I-” A loud commotion from outside the door cuts Garret short. We all shoot to our feet, my weapon in hand in an instant. I let go of Shait and within moments he darts under the table. Rex leaps to the tiled floor just behind him making him cry out. I glance down long enough to see Rex pull Shait up behind him so he's standing with his hands on the small blue machine's shoulder before slipping up next to Garret. The sounds get louder and over the beating of my own heart I recognize the sounds of battle. Garret brings his fists up and for the first time I realize that he could be truly intimidating when he wants to be.
With a resounding crash the door flies open, splintering the frame, and through the opening a body flies past. Hitting the ground hard it rolls, coming to a stop beside the bed Shait and I had slept out first night here upon. The sounds of fighting continue outside the door but my attention stays locked on the figure beside the bed. Slowly it comes up from the ground, getting it's feet beneath it. Shifting my foot I take a strong stance. My movement catches it's attention and as it looks towards me I see that it's a woman. Defiantly older then myself, but still quite young she gives me a smile. Her well worn tattered green vest it tied at the bottom, seemingly the only support for her ample breasts, Her long red hair is shaved from right side of her head giving her a lopsided, but still somehow beautiful, look that is complemented by her lithe figure. Her pants and shoes are in the same shape as her vest and as she stands I see some of the tears lengthening.
Garret is still at my side so I hold my ground. A shout comes through the door. “Melphi! C'mon!” She glances at the door before looking back at Garret and I. My racing heart finds a smooth rhythm and I prepare myself for what is to come.
**********************
There we have it! A new chapter, finally! *Dies* So, who is this mysterious woman? Is she here to help our Heroes? To capture them? Does she have any idea what she's stumbled into? Is she part of one of those “Unruly Factions” or part of a private police force? It's all up to you, what happens next!?!?!?! Oh, by the way, a triffle looks a lot like a dog with long tall pointed rabbit like ears and two tails.
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Last edited by PopeAlessandrosXVIII on Wed Jan 02, 2013 3:19 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 7:29 am Post subject: |
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Brilliant new chapter, Pope! Much enjoyed! I love Rex as a new addition to the small group. Quite the character, especially considering that he's a machine. I think that is very much showcased in this paragraph particularly...
The little machine kicks hard, cutting Garret short as one of it's claws catches his hand causing him to drop it. It scuttles back over to Shait while Garret nurses the small scratch on his hand. “Rex. My name is Rex.” it says a little reproachfully, clearly upset about the rough treatment.
...Loved it! XD
The whole group seems very diverse, I have to say, but well matched, and I think that this new potential female presence to the group will only enhance that for good. But then again, she could just be set to be a passing aquaintance. Looking forward to finding out.
I found a few things as I was reading...
| Quote: | | Tilting back on two legs it lets out a loud creek before clunking all for legs back on the floor. |
Four
| Quote: | | The small things elbows, they looked like metal, and had joints like the machines. |
Thing's
| Quote: | | At Master Calib's name the Murry turns towards Garret and tries to get out of the box. After bumping the box with it's legs once it leans back and two legs come over the edge of the box. |
The word 'box' is used too many times in close conjunction, and it's a little jarring. I think you may be able to get rid of both the latter.
After bumping at the inner walls once, it leans back and two legs appear over the edge.
| Quote: | | I would come to rescue him, and he wanted Rex here something I could relate to. . .” |
This sentence doesn't sound quite complete. Maybe 'as' or 'to be' could be place between 'here' and 'something'?
| Quote: | | Hitting the ground hard it rolls, coming to a stop beside the bed Shait and I had out first night here on. |
Our? And I think the 'on' at the end either needs to go, or something else needs to be added.
As for the DP...I think we need to try and talk to the woman. Call out to her to 'wait' and at least find out what's going on and why she's there. She doesn't seem antagonistic or threatening in any way that I can see, so I think there's a good chance she may be helpful, and even if she'd not, she'll likely just leave without making trouble.
Much enjoyed, Pope! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 3:14 pm Post subject: Post |
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Thanks for the read. I'll have a hack at fixing those thing you pointed out. Also, I'd like to hear your thoughts as to just who this girl is. This is my Meta story and I'd like everyone to have a chance at deciding the form the SG will take. Thanks again!
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Seraphi
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| Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 10:59 pm Post subject: |
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First and foremost, a fantastic chapter, Pope!
Second, I love Rex. Love. Like Tika, I really enjoyed the interaction between Garret and the machine. Very cute with a fiesty personality? Again, love.
Third, a new character (other than Rex, of course) enters the fray! From what we know of our mysterious female so far (she seems like she can fight/isn't afraid to get into a scrap and appears fairly easy going) I think she will mesh well with our current cast. I can see her making Garret nervouse/uncomfortable - he doesn't strike me as the type to be smooth with the ladies, haha!
Lista should talk to her...if not to find out who she is (in detail), then to definitely find out why she just came flying through their door. He could help in the fight, which could gain her trust. Plus that will open her up for a more lengthy talk much quicker than if she (and her mysterious hallway partner) were to handle the brawl alone.
I'll have to get back to you on the meta-DP part of this, so I can put more thought into who she is in an all-encompassing sense.
Keep up the great work, Pope!
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| Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:03 pm Post subject: |
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Nice work, Pope! Rex is quite awesome. I have a soft spot for robots with personalities, and Rex has lots of it. Can't wait to hear more of it (him?)!
For DP, I think Melphi is part of the “Unruly Factions”, and her group is involved in all the fighting outside. She probably crashed into the apartment by accident, while trying to escape...and I think Lista will help her.
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 10:08 am Post subject: |
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Thanks guys for taking the time to read this guy! Glad you like Rex. I thought he was an interesting way to combine the ideas from the suggestions given. I'm also glad you guys are giving Melphi some hard thought. Good luck!
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Jack_D.Mented
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| Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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I concur with sagittaeri. She could be in a fight with the guards/cops and it seems she isn't too sure what she just got thrown into but she enjoys a good fight. Any good adventuring party requires more than one fighter, however so, she should end up with our wayward heroes somehow.
Btw, great story, good characters. I am enjoying the hell out of it.
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Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 2:25 am Post subject: Polling? |
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Well, seeing as the two suggestions are the same, I guess I'll just go with that! Will try for chappy by week's end.
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| Posted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 7:56 pm Post subject: Chapter Seven - Alliances |
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Chapter Seven – Alliances
After a tense moment another body comes flying through the doorway and the woman leaps to the side. Her hand comes down as it passes, striking it hard in the head. The bright pink color the figure is clad in makes my shoulders tighten. Too confused about the situation, and the fact that Garret doesn't seem to react keeps me still, waiting for a signal. Perhaps even some direction as to what to do. A few moments later another person enters and all eyes shift towards it. Tall, built, and more than a little intimidating I can not help but feel my stomach sink. 'Are they enemies? But, they seem to be fighting the ones in pink' My eyes drift again to the woman who is currently kneeling over her fallen foe. Out of the corner of my eye I spot Garret relaxing as the man turns to survey us. Despite his size his clothes hang loose and the sleeveless top gives him a rumpled look. The baggy pants are cinched at the bottom by tall boots made of some sort of shiny material.
My own body relaxes as Garret steps forward with his hand up. “Henn, my friend. Talk about timing.” Garret says, a slight laugh in his voice. Slipping my weapon back into it's sheath I step back towards the table, eyes still locked on our new guests.
The man nods, taking Garrets hand in his own and giving a squeeze. “Indeed. I had no idea you were around today. . . .” The look in his eye speaks of one getting caught doing something they may not have had permission to do. The woman stands, only casting a quick glance my way before turning to the one Garret called Henn.
“Got him secured Henn.” She grins at Garret. “And what he means is that he wanted to use the apartment today, and you're in the way.” Garret laughs slightly, looking away before giving a nod.
“I kinda figured that. Unfortunately my friend this is the last place you want to be right now. My life has become a lot more interesting since last we spoke.” At his words the three of them look towards me.
The woman makes a tutting noise with her tongue, “I see.” She says with a smile.
The insinuation is not lost on me and as Garret begins objecting to it I speak up. I say the first thing that comes to my mind. “Unfortunately dear lady, I do not believe he could afford me.” I hear a small laugh from around my ankles before the man and woman bust into laughter as well. Garret turns a lovely shade of scarlet and marches over to my. I allow him a single slug to my arm before turning my attention to the ones hiding under the table.
Over my shoulder I hear the woman's voice, still choked with laughter. “Oh, wow, Garret is it? He's a keeper.” The man grunts an agreement and I see Garret shuffle on the spot.
Rex, Shait still standing on the slight flat area around the Murry's hips and clutching his shoulders, scuttles forward slightly. Keeping my voice low I whisper, “Shait, just stay atop Rex and I will lift you both. Be careful not to touch me Shait. I do not know how these newcomers will react, nor if I even wish them to know about us entirely.” Shait adopts a disgruntled look but nods.
A scraping noise behind me catches my attention. I turn my head to find the source of the noise and watch as Henn Picks up the door and props it up in it's proper place. Turning back I listen to the conversation behind me as Rex makes his way over to me and starts carefully climbing on to my outstretched hands.
“So why are they after you Henn?” Garret inquires.
“No idea actually. No idea why he was even in the area. We really weren't planning on this, but then again, I always look forward to knocking a few of them Prinkies down a notch or two.” Henn lets out a little laugh.
“You got that right.” Melphi chips in. As soon as Rex is situated, two claws on either palm with his back to me, I stand slowly. Shait looks up at me before ducking down a bit. A slight grin tugs at my lips at his shyness.
As I turn around Garret glances towards me. “You know, this may be a meeting of fates.” He murmurs. The two near the door look towards the objects in my arms. The woman blinks several times and the man grins.
“Well if that isn't an interesting piece of work there. It can't be your Garret, you don't do that kind of work.” Henn eyes me. “Is this your work …?” His voice trails off in question. I remain silent for several seconds, trying to decide on my answer.
Garret walks over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. “No, no, this isn't his work. Little Rex here was made by that kid I told you about. You know, the one who agrees with you, Calib.” Henn nods, understanding flashing across his face. The woman still seems a bit confused and looks between the two of them. Garret gives my arm a slight pat and I watch as Shait tightens his grip on Rex. “And this here is Lista.” In an instant I realizes that Garret had given away much more than he intended.
The large man laughs, his brows furrowed. “You can't mean that Lista? The one Calib is always talking your ear off about. I mean, that's just not. . . . . .” Henn's eyes widen. Carefully I bring my hands up to my left shoulder and shift them so Rex moves on to it. I try to keep my gaze neutral as realization seems to dawn on the man. “Because if he is, then. . . . .”
At my side Garret flinches. Henn step towards me and I hear Rex hiss. His clawed feet tighten slightly and I feel a small hand take hold of my ear. A part of me can feel that he means no harm, but it does not stop me from shifting closer to Garret so that he is slightly between Henn and myself. Garret holds up a hand between us. Turning his head slightly he speaks in a low voice. “Forgive me? I didn't really mean for it to come out like that. Although, I had the feeling that I wanted him to know at some point.” He turns a little further so he can look into my eyes. A touch of shame mixed in with his honest concern gives him a truly pathetic look. “Henn has a large backing. He's not the head of his group, but if I play this right, we may be able to get an extra hand in helping us rescue Calib. That's the most important thing, right?”
The gnawing in my belly eases a little and I look past Garret to the man. 'Yes. Rescuing Mater Calib is the most important thing. I will never deny that, and if this man can help. . . . .' With a nod I murmur, “I have no problem with this, though I ask you not mention the means of my coming here.” Garret lets out a large sigh and nods.
“No problem. I understand.” Turning back to the silent pair watching the exchange he smiles. “Yes Henn, this is THE Lista. I can't go into it now, but he's come here for a very important reason.” Garret motions towards the table and the two reluctantly move to sit. Henn has to pull the chair out rather far, his knees too tall to fit properly under the table, and Melphi spins the chair around to straddle the back as she sits. I make my way to the kitchen to scrounge around for something to nibble on while Garret fills them in on what's happening. He is careful to leave out any mention of just what Master Calib had been working on that got him in trouble other than it had something to do with helping my world.
My attention drifts away from their conversation as my mind wanders to Master Calib and what may be happening to him now. 'I know what prisons are like where I come from, but surely they are different here? Or are such things the same wherever one goes. . . I pray not' Crossing my arms I rest them on the smooth surface of the counter before me. The cool touch feels soothing. 'Garret does not seem worried about Master Calib sustaining injury. He seems more concerned about Master Calib being unable to continue his work. He is without a doubt Master Calib's friend, so one would think that if there was a risk of injury, that would be at the forefront of his mind to worry about' My thoughts run in circles for a long time.
My thoughts are at last broken at someone clearing their throat behind me. I refrain from jumping, instead turning carefully around to face the one who coughed. The woman stands a few feet away, her arms crossed beneath her chest, a smile on her face. Garret is a bit to her right, likewise with a smile. I let out a cough of my own, my eyes darting about in search of Henn. As if reading my mind the woman chuckles, “Henn's gone back to headquarters. We came up with a kinda plan to rescue this 'Calib' and now all we gotta do is iron out the details.” She points at Rex and I feel him tighten his grip. “With the help of you and your little gadget there, we have a real good shot at pulling this off.”
Garret steps a little closer. “She's right. It'll just involve the five of us, but if we're successful, Calib will be free day after tomorrow!” The joy in Garret's voice sends a thrill through me, a smile finding it's way to my lips. Unable to think of what to say, I simply smile at them in turn before reaching up to stroke Rex's leg. He shifts his weight a bit as I do so.
“I will help. I must help. Mister Calib must be rescued.” Rex chirps.
The woman laughs at the declaration. “That's right our little Murry friend, he must be rescued. And in order to get things started, we need to do a little relocation.” She motions for us to follow her and she makes her way to the once again empty doorway. My heart races with a new hope. We're on our way to rescuing Master Calib. Garret throws the overcoat from Master's wardrobe at me as I make my way after the woman. I slip it on carefully, making sure not to knock off Rex and Shait. The former re-situates himself on top of the coat. After a quick glance down both sides of the hall, Melphi sets off towards our next destination, Garret and I in tow.
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To Be A Knight
And my first Finished work Death Day
Last edited by PopeAlessandrosXVIII on Fri Jun 14, 2013 3:12 am; edited 2 times in total
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Seraphi
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| Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 8:13 pm Post subject: Re: Chapter Seven - Alliances |
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Hooray! Another chapter! Fantastic work, Pope. I love the two characters you've added to the fray, they are very likable.
Found one typo:
| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | | He is without a doubt Mater Calib's friend, so one would think that if there was a risk of injury, that would be at the forefront of his mind to worry about |
Master
For the DP...their destination has to be somewhere secret, or at least well hidden. I say, they take a back stairwell out of the building and make their way into a set of complex tunnels beneath the city. There's bound to be tons of hidden passages and secret coves to lodge a resistance group in.
Keep up the great work, Pope!
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 9:34 pm Post subject: Post |
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Thanks for the read Seraphi-chan! Overjoyed that you like it, and great idea. I will do my best to keep on pleasing
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 6:40 am Post subject: |
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Any more suggestions rolling in? If not, I'll just be going with Seraphi-chan's, To Be A Knight's #1 fan I'll give it 3 more days before either continuing or polling.
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| Posted: Sat May 18, 2013 2:59 pm Post subject: Chapter Eight - Underground |
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Chapter Eight – Underground
I follow close behind the woman as she makes her way down the sunlit hallway, Garret behind me. My eyes shift to look out the windows lining the long hallway and I am once again struck by the sheer lack of any living thing. Metal, glass, and other such gleaming things as far as the eye can see. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Shait too looking outside to the dead world below. “So different. So strange.” He murmurs in my ear. I simply nod in return. Once we reach the end of the hallway my attention returns to the woman. I'm a bit surprised when she pulls open a door leading to a darkened staircase.
'This must be the first door I've seen in this world that doesn't slide into the wall when it opens' I muse, feeling a little comfort at the slight familiarity. The stairs are made of dark metals and resonate slightly with each step we take. I feel Rex grip my ear tightly as the jolt of each step threatens to knock him from his perch. My heart is still racing, the thought of our task being so close to being complete making me almost giddy. After several flights of stairs we at last reach what looks to be the bottom. The woman holds a hand out and moves to the right of the stairs. Looking strait ahead my brows furrow. “Are we not going to use this door?” I ask, pointing at a large door with strange markings on it.
Garret moves up next to me, peering around the stairs to where The woman is now running her hands over a blank wall. “No, I don't think that would be wise. See, the door leads to the Lobby. That big room right inside the building where we first came in last night. I'm guessing Melphi here's got a trick up her sleeve though.” Moving slowly I take the last few steps so that I'm level with Melphi. She continues running her hands over the wall. My right hand, still holding the railing running the length of the stairs, tightens as I feel faint prickling on my skin.
She glances over her shoulder and gives me a wink. “Yep, I'm just chocked full of tricks.” She chuckles. An instant later the wall seems to dissolve leaving a hole the size of a small doorway. She exhales slowly and my eyes narrow as I spy beads of sweat on her brow.
Stepping closer I give her a quizzical look. “That, was difficult?”
Turning around so that her back is against the wall beside the hole she nods at my question. “Yeah, but not too bad. I normally have an Amp with me, but I didn't think this run would require one.” She lets out another sigh and I refrain from asking what an 'Amp' is. She looks over at me, a look on her face I don't quite recognize. My confusion makes my stomach clench slightly and I look away from her.
“You should be careful. Let me give you a once over when we get to the base, alright?” Garret chides as he walks down the steps and over to the woman. “What?” He asks suddenly, coming to a halt. I look back to them and I see them both staring at me. Melphi's eyes are narrowed, looking at Rex while Garret just seems confused.
On instinct I step away from them. Melphi points at the machine perched on my shoulder. “I could have sworn that for a moment that thing had two heads.” My eyebrows rise and Garret laughs.
He motions to Melphi. “May I?” he asks. It takes a moment to realize that he hadn't told them about Shait. I know I ask discretion, but Shait is kind of important. I give him a nod. Melphi looks between the two of us, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Sorry Melphi. Shait is really shy it seems. He came here with Lista. The second head you saw was his. He. . . .” His voice trails off. She looks over at him.
'Must be trying to figure out how to explain why he's still small while I'm normal sized' I hold a hand up and they both look to me. “Master Calib's research made it possible for me to attain this size. Shait is safer for now the size he is. He can grow as I do, but I prefer he not right now.” My own explanation sounds hollow to my ears. Avoiding telling the whole truth gives me an empty feeling. I am not use to such dances around the truths. She continues to stare at me for several seconds, Garret eying her a little warily. I stare back. I feel my nerves relax a bit as an understanding passes between us. She smiles, and the trust I feel from her in it feels quite foreign, but comforting none the less.
“Alrighty then, whatever. Things are the way they are.” And with that declaration she pushes off the wall and motions for us to go through. The faint sound of rushing water and an odd hum surrounds us as we wait just inside the opening for her to re-seal it. Once it's an unblemished wall again she reaches out and holds Garret's shoulder to steady herself as she leads the way into the darkness. Reaching up I place a hand on the wall. I keep my ears pricked up as t not lose the others in the inky blackness. The hum and rush of water gets slowly louder as we move steadily onwards. I can feel the ground slopping gently downwards, and as we continue the air around us grows cooler.
As a slight shiver runs through me I notice that the darkness is lessening. Ahead the glow of yellow light makes me think that we must have reached an exit. The rush of water is much louder now and my thoughts turn to a river. We take a final bend and a doorway appears several paces ahead. After the darkness I can't see what lay beyond it, but the sight seems to liven up my traveling companions. Melphi steps away from Garret, giving him a grateful pat on the shoulder before picking up her pace. “We're almost to the main junction. From there it's only a short trip down the hall and through a couple of pipes and we'll be at the main meeting place of the local faction.” She says. Her voice echoes slightly, and I barely catch her words over the roar of rushing water.
As she vanishes into the light I move past Garret, a bit eager to see what lay beyond that wall of yellow. My eyes adjust quickly and my breath catches in my throat. Extending as far as the eye can see to my right and left seems to be a perfectly square hallway, the corners perfectly aligned. Down each side is a walkway made of bright white stone with glowing yellow lights lining the walls, which are likewise stark white. But it's what's running down the middle that fills me with wonder. What I had mistaken for water, and by it's actions rightly so, is instead a rainbow of different colored liquid. Like the lights running through the top of the Scoour, but thicker, and the myriad of colors is multiplied ten fold. I kneel down carefully to get a closer look, my eyes wide with awe.
Unlike when one mixes paints together to make new colors, the lights in the river seem to stay separate from one another. The flow side by side with other colors, but never blend. I almost start as what looks like sparks jump off the surface directly beneath where I am looking before skittering down the stream. I follow the sparks until they fall back into the flow of light. A warm hand on my shoulder draws my attention away from the beauty. Looking up at the owner of the hand I can't hold back a large grin as Garret chuckles down at me. “I see you like our recycling system.” he says over the roar. I nod vigorously, standing slowly. A slight glow of embarrassment touches my heart as both Garret and Melphi laugh loudly at my enthusiastic response.
Motioning towards Melphi Garret begins walking, a hand to my back to propel me forward. I walk beside him with little resistance and Melphi begins leading the way again. Without waiting for me to ask, Garret begins telling me about the recycling system. “In this city most of what we have runs off mahou. Like the Scoour, the stove I cooked our food on, and the fridge that the food is stored in to keep it fresh.” He motions to the river of lights. “That stuff there is used mahou. It's still full of energy, but it needs to be scrubbed and recharged before it can be used again. Devices like the one on the Scoour make scrubbing unnecessary, but most things that run off mahou don't have a self cleansing system. In other words, the mahou I used last night to cook our dinner , after I used it, came down through the pipes and flowed into this chute.”
He points behind us. “The mahou flows down that way and into a facility designed for the scrub. There, a large group of Magitechs like me, as well as a few Magicicst work the mahou until it's useable again. From there it's piped to where it's needed.” My mind whirs, images of men and woman around a large pool of these lights, casting their hands over it, causing it to move as they will. I'm fairly positive that that is not how it works, but the image makes me smile anyways. Just then Melphi turns left. Garret and I quickly catch up to her. In the wall she's facing there is a perfectly round hole, about two thirds of my height across and a few feet off the ground.
“This is the pipe. Just through here, take a left, another pipe, and we'll be at the base!” She declares triumphantly. I let my eyes wander one last time to the stream of colors as she climbs up into the pipe. I let it's beauty wash over me before turning to mount the pipe. Rex slides carefully from my shoulder and skitters along ahead of me as I hoist myself into the smaller space. Bending down only slightly I pity both Garret and Melphi as they have to crawl down the pipe. Once at the other side I hop down from the pipe and hold out my hand for Rex. As he makes his way up my arm I survey the small area. A lot darker than the tunnel from before, the only source of light seems to come from high above. The stone of this room is dark brown and several pipes lead off in different directions. Looking up I see more pipes leading out of the room all along the tall shaft.
Melphi walks over to the pipe second to the right of the one we just came out of and climbs in. A stray thought runs through my mind. 'Henn is a big man. How does he fit through these pipes?' I refrain from asking the question aloud and instead follow the woman into the darkness. After several feet I lose the ability to see anything and instead strain my ears.
Holding my hand out as to not run into anything I jump slightly as my hand lands on Melphi's backside. “Now now, none of that.” She laughs as I pull my hand back, placing it instead on the side of the pipe. “Wait here, I need to open the door.” I hear a scraping noise as she moves away from us, followed by a slight thump. I feel myself jump again as something scrapes across my boot. Taking a breath I resist the urge to kick out, telling myself it's most likely Rex, trying to get closer to me. After a few more minutes of silence a light appears out of nowhere and I throw a hand up to block it out a bit. “Alright.” I hear Melphi call out. “C'mon over.” At my feet Rex scuttles forward and stops at the edge of the pipe, waiting for me.
Watching my step I slowly slide out of the pipe and hold my arm out for the Murry. As he makes his way up to my shoulder I look into the light, willing my eyes to adjust. The light is different from the stuff in the tunnels. It's white, like the clear sunlight of midday. We move into a small room that seems to be attached to a much larger area. I see several people pass by, some glancing in our direction while most ignore us. Garret's hand on my back propels me slowly forward. The large room is short, only a few heads higher than the tallest man. In the middle is a table with very short legs surrounded by people on large pillows and cushion. On the table itself are many open parchments, the color of clouds rather than the brown shade of the parchments from my homeland. My eyes wander about the room, taking in the many small groups of people lounging about laughing to one another, or leaning in close as if discussing secret matters.
Melphi leads us out of the room through one of the many doorways into a hallway. The hall is lined with open doorways along it's length. Peeking into them as we pass I feel a bit of puzzlement seep in. 'These appear to be bedrooms, but if that is so, why are there no doors?' Turning to Garret I ask him about the doors. It's Melphi that answers.
“In a group like this, trust is paramount. By having no doors, the likelihood of having a spy in our midst decreases dramaticly.” She points to her left as she passes a doorway. As I pass I look in to find two people getting intimate. I turn my eyes back to Melphi and she seems a little disappointed at my lack of reaction. Behind me I hear Garret squeak and his pace quicken. She seems satisfied with his reaction and continues. “The level of comfort with one another here is higher than most spies could ever hope to emulate. We've had a few, but they were easy to spot after a week or two.” Her explanation makes sense. After a few more doorways I hear someone call out Melphi's name. I recognize the voice.
She turns into the room the voice came from, Garret and I on her heels. Stretched out on a pile of large pillows near the back wall is Henn. His shirt is draped over a small wooden chair off to the side of the room. My eyes rove over the many scars littering his chest and shoulders. Unconsciously my right hand comes up and grips my shoulder where I carry a scar from an injury that had almost cost me my arm. He spots the motion and gives me a smile. My body is littered with scars just like his, but perhaps not as many. 'Then again, he's had more years to accumulate them' I muse. Melphi wanders over to him and plops down on one of the pillows in front of him. She leans back so that her back is resting on his stomach and I watch with a smile as he gives her shoulder a quick squeeze.
Looking to my left I pick a pile of pillows. Leaning down carefully I set Rex and Shait down on the solid ground before falling back on the pillows and pulling my boots off. My eyes follow Garret as he picks a pile along the left hand wall and follow suit. I hear a bit of spluttering and lean up a bit to see Henn pointing at Rex. My stomach tightens but as Melphi looks to me I hesitate only a moment before giving her a nod. As she begins telling him about Shait I motion for Rex to come over to me. Staying on the gray stone floor as long as he can he carefully mounts the pillows close to my left hand. Just as Melphi finishes her explanation I reach out for Shait. He stares at me for several seconds then ever so slowly, he takes hold of my finger. I pull him forward a bit so he doesn't squish Rex and the others turn to watch as Shait grows to his full size.
Without hesitation he tries to bury himself between the pillows and myself, his face pressed into my chest. The others laugh as I bring up a hand to smooth his hair down. “So, not only can't Garret afford you, but you also seem to already be taken!” I hear Melphi call from the other side of the small room. Shait stills and I feel my stomach turn over and tighten. Unaware of her blunder she turns to Garret. “So, do you think this little guy here will change the plans any? I don't see him going far from Lista if he can help it.”
Garret shakes his head. “No, I kinda factored him in on my own. It should be fine.” She nods, looking back to me.
“So, about the plan. . . . .” she begins.
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Sorry for the long delay Quite a long one this time, no? Well, here we are, the rescue plan! What is, the rescue plan? You can be as detailed or as simplistic as you like. Just a few factors to keep in mind. Only the six in the room are going to be any part of the rescue, and Rex plays a pivotal roll!
Again, sorry for the long wait, I hope you all enjoy!
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To Be A Knight
And my first Finished work Death Day
Last edited by PopeAlessandrosXVIII on Fri Jun 14, 2013 3:12 am; edited 2 times in total
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Wed May 29, 2013 7:40 pm Post subject: |
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Just wanna say....great job pope! Hehe I'm kinda excited for the action scene that will surely happen soon. Love all the new characters!
I haven't yet decided on the plan yet, but I'll post again when I have.
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Sun Jun 02, 2013 7:04 pm Post subject: Thanks |
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Thanks for reading Sagi-kun. I can't wait to see what plan you come up with! I'm glad you're looking forward to the next installment.
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Seraphi
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| Posted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 6:45 pm Post subject: Re: Chapter Eight - Underground |
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Hey Pope! Great new chapter! I was trying to hold off posting until I had an idea of the plan formulated to put in as well, but it is taking longer than I expected to think of something good (sorry ^^'). So for now I'll just put in my two cents.
| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | | I follow close behind the woman as she makes her way down the sunlit hallway. Garret follows behind. |
I would suggest combining these two sentences. Maybe something like: "I follow closely behind the woman as she makes her way down the hallway, Garret behind me" (or bringing up the rear or whatever you think sounds best). The two sentences now are a bit jarring, but together I think the flow will be smoother.
| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | | Out of the corner of my eye I can see Shait too looking outside to the dead world bellow. |
Below
| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | | She lets out another sigh and I refrain from asking what and 'Amp' is. |
An
| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | | Avoiding tell the whole truth gives mya empty feeling. |
Me an
| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | | He voice echoes slightly, and I barely catch her words over the now roar of rushing water. |
Her. The wording of the last part sounds a little odd. Maybe change it to: "now roaring rush of water" or just remove the now.
| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | | I almost just as what looks like sparks jump off the surface directly beneath where I am looking before skittering down the stream. |
Jump? If that is what it should be then I would suggest changing the jump that comes later in the sentence to "burst" or something similar.
| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | | In other words, the mahou I used last night to cook out dinner, after I used it, came down through the pipes and flowed into this chute.” |
Our.
| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | | The stone of this room is dark brown and several pips lead off in different directions. |
Pipes.
| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | | Holding my hand out as to not run into anything I jump slightly as my hand lands of Melphi's backside. |
On.
| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | | Melphi leads us put of the room through one of the many doorways into a hallway. |
Out.
| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | | Behind me I head Garret squeak and his pace quicken. |
Hear.
| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | | She leans back so that her back is resting on his stomach and watch with a smile as he gives her shoulder a quick squeeze. |
Add "I"
I know I mentioned this in the Inn, but I really love your description throughout this story. Especially of the mahou in this chapter. Keep it up!
(Plan to come soon. Promise!)
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"The aim of literary ambition is to demonstrate one's greatness of soul."
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Sat Jun 08, 2013 2:24 am Post subject: Post |
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Thanks for the help catching all the mistakes I made. I really suck at spotting those. I can't wait to see what you two come up with. Here's a thought, if you're having such a hard time alone, you guys could conspire together on and plan. What do you think?
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Sat Jun 08, 2013 7:24 am Post subject: |
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Oooh I like that idea. I'm gonna catch Seraphi on the Inn for this!
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Sat Jun 08, 2013 5:46 pm Post subject: Post |
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Glad I could help *Grin*
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 8:10 am Post subject: Ummnnnssss. . . . . . |
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*Tickles Seraphi-chan and Sagi-kun* ne ne, you two should meet soon I'd also love anyone else's plans
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 11:00 am Post subject: Post |
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I'ma go ahead with my own plan if I don't get one soon. I can't stand me SGs being so dead. . . Poor things. . . . .
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HalfEmptyHero
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| Posted: Mon Jan 06, 2014 1:47 pm Post subject: |
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| How very exciting! I await the next chapter.
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2014 4:58 am Post subject: Plan |
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M'kay, I see no plan on the horizon. I'll be getting up a new chapter sometime this week.
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